Plotting vs Pantsing Smackdown

There are two modes of story writing that I've come across. The one that sells, and the one that tells. The first one I think needs structure or else most readers won't get it, they won't stay engaged. I consider myself in the group of most readers. Most readers want to immerse in the story world and feel that arc upon which the protagonist journeys. We all understand that.

I read over at The KillZoneBlog where they discuss an article in Writer's Digest, "Just Write". The article indicates that by our own experiences we have a natural ability to write stories.  And so comes the argument of what method of story writing makes for great content, plotting or pantsing, for what the industry deems sellable.

Today, I'm going to be an advocate for the Pantser. Most folks who want to write have a passion to write. Not to tell a story, but to write, in any form. The story is just the most common and accessible means to doing just that. Writing is what we love to do. But, as mentioned at The KillZoneBlog, you don't just write a story, especially fiction. You must first understand the underlying mechanics of what makes stories work *cough* said the author of a story structure book to the novice writer. If you believe that, you haven't judged many writing contests. The talent pool is swimming with creative young writers who can tell great stories. Their imaginations are phenomenal.

What I like to argue, is for a great work of art to come to fruition, the writer must unleash the story within. That is, the telling of the truth. No form or structure is going to allow for the next great novel to come alive with as much impact. Story structure is what makes the reader get that familiar feel of a story. The beginning/middle/end, a call to journey, the  crisis, the denouement, whatever. It's what sells as a good read. Anyone wanting to write for a living must know this, learn it and apply it. Or you can fall back on the no-resolution resolution structure.

But a story that tells is different for me. The telling of a great story, even in fiction, is one that spills truth. It's one I deem a creation that forms from the implanted seed which grew inside the artist. The only way to spill truth for a writer with a story, is to be unbound from traditional forms of storytelling. How did S.E. Hinton, at such a young age, bang out The Outsiders? Or how did Mary Shelley pen Frankenstein? Do you think she was aware of story structure, or do you think she just wrote what was already within her? I think the latter. She'd endured the birth and death of her baby before she was 18 years old. The story was in her. It wasn't birthed from a formulaic presupposed rendition of the cookie cutter storyline. Though I'm sure publishers polished it up a bit after she wrote it.

Be careful not to provoke the artist into changing their vision. They shouldn't strive to fit a structure before they begin to write. Some guidance is great, but the gifted writer should write without scrutiny or the presupposition that they are incapable of producing greatness without guidance or structure. What came first? The story or the structure? No story should be bound by traditional and formulaic structures before writing it. The Writers Dream Kit contains over 32,000 story forms. I wonder how we discovered those forms. Were they written first?




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Communicating with Truth and Transparency

Just some thoughts on my latest ideas on making progress in this world of communications. I'm dealing with topics of genuine concern and authentic desires within me to change the mindset out in the media world today. We need more communicators who care about the human spirit. I wish companies would stop with marketing gimmicks and give us what we truly want, not what they want us to have or the only thing they have to offer in order to make that buck.

The part of being real to your audience is sharing truth and you do that by being transparent and sharing parts of you that may not be considered desirable traits to others, but they make you who you are. Granted, not everyone needs to be out there sharing their truth. I get that. LORD! ...help me I've seen enough.

Part of my writing journey has been in finding ways to open up and share who I am: the good, the bad, and the ugly. I do this so that I can experience the freedom I need to be able to write uninhibited.

If you've ever heard people talk about reading something that rings true, it's because the author has no reservations about what they are writing. Some people attribute that truth as having come from an author who is "writing what they know" and that's not necessarily the case. They are writing, uninhibited, and therefore the genuine intent of what they write shines through. How else can a science fiction writer make something up, which doesn't exist, and sell it to their audience?

One of the most important aspects of studying communications is gaining a deeper understanding of what it means to be truthful in your communications. Most people only want to deliver messages which make them look good. They don't want to communicate those things which might invite criticism. That's understandable, and communication full on isn't for everyone.

Not many people can freely express themselves, the good and the bad. Because not all people can face criticism without completely falling apart. The thing that communications majors learn about and study in great detail is how to deliver a message truthfully. Truth is good. If you have a moral compass, use it and you will be invincible! Or, you might be looking for another job, but sleep well at night.

While the rest of the world is out there building a persona and delivering great things about themselves, a communication major is learning how to make the face of organizations into human beings again, communicating on a level to deliver genuine brands which people can relate to and find attractive because truth is attractive. A marketing gimmick which turns out to be a big fat hoax is not attractive. Matter of fact, it pisses us off.

We are all human. We deal with positives and negatives in our lives. We communicate truthfully to the human spirit because we've shed our fears in order to do our jobs, and then we wonder, in that moment, why it is that we ever feared criticism for being human ourselves.

Are you an inhibited communicator, or do you deliver the truth?




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Writing is Killing My Spirit!

I've neglected my writing lately. That's not to say I haven't been writing, because I've been doing SO much writing it's killing me. Writing because I have to do it in order to maintain a GPA isn't quite the same as writing because I want to, if that makes sense.

The things I want to write about are in my heart, singing and wanting to share. The things I'm focused on these days are very academic and make me sound like an alien at times, even to myself. I'm not even sure where I can get some relief or how to escape when I need some grounding.

I think in time, I will appreciate my own tenacity for sticking with this program and finishing grad school. Sometimes I think if I stop to take a break, I won't bother to finish. I will be so elated with the freedom of complete and utter chaos I will stop caring about what's important to me. The rebel inside me entices me to quit; the scholar scolds me for even thinking about it.

When I first decided Communications would be my major (eventually), I came up with a story in my heart. Who remembers Spirit Island - The Passage?

I will return soon!



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A Tale of Two Writers

Ha! A friend and colleague of mine helped me out today and produced some super, high-quality documentation for training on a project we've been trying to roll-out for the past six months. In celebration of the moment, I found something as close as I could get to describing how we probably feel this evening! PC Weenies is a wonderful comic strip and the artist gets deep into the psyche of geeks like us.

Imagine me as Bob and imagine her as the purple-headed geek trainer, only:

1. We weren't writing on corporate ethics
2. She sits in an office rather than a cubicle
3. I'm actually the one who dreams of writing that Great American Novel!

Thanks, Amy. And like I always say, you are the bomb diggity. :)

Do you have a collaboration partner in your writing projects? How does that work out for you? Share your experience in the comments below!



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Word Choices - Supervisor VS Boss

I thought it might be fun to compare some words this evening. You know, for my writer friends out there. Hope you enjoy these musings.

Did you know there's a difference between a supervisor and a boss? If you have a supervisor, you have someone up your ass 24/7 trying to make sure you don't screw up.

When you have a boss, they are happy to leave you alone to work autonomously, in your realm of expertise. So when you hit one out of the park, they be like, "Awesome!" But when you strike out? They be like, "Dude, what the hell?"

So, do you have a supervisor or  a boss?  Did you hit one out of the park lately, or have you screwed up?

:)



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Are You Dealing With Bad Reviews?

I had started a comment on a blogger friend's article and decided to create an article instead because it had grown larger and more complex than what I believe is appropriate for a comment. Thank you, Auden, for inspiring this post.

I'll quote the original question which prompted this response: 

There's a ton of advice out there on how to deal with bad reviews. They like to say "dwell on the good reviews." What if you don't have any glowing reviews to off-set the negative/indifferent ones?

I've had my two short stories on Amazon since 2012 and one of them has exactly one review and the other a whopping five reviews. I can tell you this much. I didn't ask for reviews, but when I got them, I was pleased. I'm far from inspired by the numbers, but I'm flattered by and appreciate the favorable responses by those who appreciated my work. However, I've not written or produced much these days and that makes me sad.

On the contrary, though a bad review has to hurt, it's not a lost cause, because bad reviews are those things that prompt you to explore and improve! Especially if you're passionate about storytelling.

Here are some questions to ask yourself if you feel you're not getting the feedback you desire. Do you attend a lot of writing conferences? I know they can be expensive, but the advice and information you walk away with is so wonderful! Have you joined a writing critique group? In-person group sessions can help your writing out quite a bit. Don't shrink away from advice and constructive criticism. It's out there. 

I've joined both, the Tallahassee Writers Association and the Florida Writers Association. Both organizations have welcomed me in such ways I can't even explain. You need to be around people who are driven and wired the same way you are in order to learn the lessons and solutions of the trade. These folks are willing to be there for you because their struggles are the same. 

Lethal Injection, The Seed is 7 pages, received almost 400 downloads, and I have 5 reviews, 1 from a relative. The story has no action but is described as powerful. How does that happen? Writing classes, conferences, critiques, and encouragement helped my confidence in putting the story out there. It's the readers who will figure out if it works or if it doesn't. If it doesn't work, I agree, it would be helpful if readers would provide better feedback. Unfortunately, they are not required to give anything of value. It's other writers who will fill that void.

So how do we improve as writers and storytellers? Stephen King advises that we read, read, and read some more. However, how do you take the time to read if you're pumping out novel after novel? After all, Dean Koontz does it! He has an excuse. He's famous and people buy his books because it's branded already. Come on! He's Dean Koontz. 

If you don't have the time to read much, do like I do. Audio books! They are great because I pop them in on my way to work, and they start up again when I'm driving home. 

:)

Hope I've been helpful in some ways.

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Pick a Word Blog Hop

This is a stream of consciousness exercise. Please join in the fun, or not. If you join, don't feel like you must edit your post if you can help yourself, but visit other participants by taking their links and leave comments!

My word is chopped.

I picked this word out of the air, maybe because I was watching that Food Network show. Kids were competing, like 9 year-olds, using KNIVES! What the hell. Can someone say liability? I just saw a kid cut herself in the chopped kitchen. Am I over-reacting? Why do I choose a word which needs hyphenating and why do I choose words I don’t like to spell…like hyphenating. Sucks. And why did I even picked the word chopped anyway?

What can you do with this word except describe something that gets divided in two or more things, smaller things, smaller meaning lesser. Lesser meaning not more, so if I want more of something, now I have less because I chose to use the chopped and get lesser. Unless of course I keep all parts and glue them back together. My logic sucks, but as promised I have to post this shit, cuss words and all. This is embarrassing and I should never have decided to do this assignment.

Can I get something positive from this word chopped besides this chubby cute kid who just missed an opportunity to win 10 thousand dollars? Oh, yes! It’s the dessert round, now that’s freaking positive as hell. I’m getting another beer and watching this. Kids making dessert has to be better than my writing about the word chopped.

This is my stream of consciousness writing assignment. Please don’t judge me!

Join this linked assignment by adding your own stream of consciousness  work. Pick a word,, any word. Then write your post and share it here. Deadline has not been set yet, but if you spam this blog, you might get chopped!!




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3 Types of Unbeatable Settings

I know I’ve probably harped on this before and I’m sure there are novelists out there who have used these types of settings, but I’ll go a step further and explain to you why they work for me. Remember, I’m the reader here, so I should know, right?


Put an ordinary man in an extraordinary place. 

Think about this for a moment. An ordinary man works in a third world country providing humanitarian aide to the natives. It is his passion and all the children love him, the men respect him, and the women shy away because he exudes virility and a superior masculinity. You, as the novelist, do not have to work that hard to show anything more about this character.

If you had an ordinary man in a setting where everyone else were ordinary, you would have to transform this character into an extraordinary one in order to stand out, or else what’s the point of this character anyway, right? Sounds like too much work to me and it doesn’t feel authentic.


Take me somewhere for the first time.

I’ve read plenty of novels with settings on beaches, cattle ranches, grand estates, and beautiful islands. I’m sorry, did I put you to sleep there? Why must romance involve beautiful sunsets, roses, and champagne? If you put me on a beach, the dominant sound of waves will ruin it for me, even if we’re supposed to be on the shores of some Caribbean island, unless you have other things going on too!

I want to listen to classical Malhum while walking through the streets of Morocco and biting into a sliver of B’stilla. Put the traditional settings out of your mind. Take me somewhere I can experience for the first time, and if you want to get more into the details you can even share the savory and sweet tastes of your pastry by describing it to me! MmMmm.


Pick an event, any event!

A carnival, a national football game, a political campaign, a wedding. Why do these work? Because it’s easy to hear, smell, see, and touch almost everything imaginable and the writer doesn’t have to work as much. Every beach has water and sand, but a carnival has rides, games, funnel cake, and people walking around with stuffed animals larger than their kids.

If you never had a wedding, here’s your big opportunity. You can make it as extravagant as you like and not have to pay a dime. Everyone loves a wedding. I know it’s been done over and over again, but not by you, right?



Do you have favorite settings that draw you in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME?



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Cooking Inspiration for Writing Horror

I don't understand why it is that every time I'm cooking something, whether for myself or for others, I get this sudden urge to sit down and write. It's the complete opposite from when I actually sit down in front of the computer, where I'm expected to write, and nothing comes to fruition in my tiny noggin.

I need to get these things off my chest because they're disturbing, these things which come to mind while I'm cooking.


Mixing Eggs

I think the same thing every time I poke egg yolks in a bowl and start whisking away at them with a fork. Drowning eyeballs blink back at me and brains scatter about the bowl screaming, "Noooo, please....!" And you know those bubbles that form when you've whisked away fast and furious? They balloon up and pop like in a cauldron of some witch's brew.

Seriously, this is what I see.

It's even more fascinating when you dump the mixture into a skillet waiting with a thin layer of piping hot oil. The fizzing and hissing, along with the bubbling, inspire me to write something horrific. It's excitingly violent.


Rolling Dough

I like the yeast dough, that stuff you have to let sit a while so that it puffs up nice and airy. I never understood all that making it bigger and airy. Aren't you just smashing out all that air when you punch and roll the dough? Duh.

Can you imagine
how this might end up if dough could punch back?

I don't do a lot of baking. Much of this I witness on the Food Network. Every time I see this rolling of dough, I get a sudden urge to write about my last mammogram experience. The mammogram is no joke. Get one every year if you can. Just don't look up into the mirror while your boob is smashed down to an eighth of an inch between two Plexiglass plates. You'll never look at rolling dough the same.


Pancakes on a Griddle

Anyone else addicted to watching pancakes form on a griddle? It's like I can't take my eyes off the holes. I try to count them as they appear. Things get overwhelming when they multiply exponentially, so I watch the batter dry instead. I find myself wanting to write about craters forming on the moon's surface and folks trying to escape while molten lava fills in on all sides until the tiny people are forced to jump into pits filling with fiery rage.

Looks like a flattened moon, doesn't it?

Then it's time to flip the pancake and the batter splats out the sides, just like I imagine a batch of lava spilling onto a flat surface. I should try red velvet pancakes next time.


Hot Dogs in a Microwave Oven

They always split at the tips, kind of like how a flower blooms, or a screaming alien. From the middle of each tip, the very first second, there go the ends. Boink. And they're steaming hot after 3 seconds. For some reason the middle of the dogs stay warm. I thought the microwave cooks from the inside out?

Painful, right? The creators of Alien
could have saved a lot of money using this image.

Hot dogs cooking in a microwave is the only activity which makes me think of human flesh and how it might blister and split when baked too long in the Florida sun. Skin cancer is no joke either. Stay out of the sun as much as you can, wear sun screen, and see your dermatologist annually.


Hamburgers on a Grill

A hamburger is supposed to be grilled on high heat. When done right, it gets that pink, bumpy texture everywhere and the bumps are surrounded by bloody streams   and this white solidifying  juice around the perimeter of the patty - always looks like a large canker sore to me. I know gross, right?

You're lying to yourself...
if you don't think this looks like some sort of STD.

****

So why does cooking reflect this imagery? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.



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The 5 Office Villains

When I think about the villains I'd like to develop, I imagine those people I've known in the past who annoyed the hell out of me. Is it a great way to get sued? I don't think so, because these folks are everywhere, and it's kind of hard to pinpoint oneself when you aren't even aware that you have these annoying qualities.

My favorite villains are those driven by insecurities rather than the goals and objectives they set, unlike evil lords and emperors, who basically have no weaknesses. Those archetypes either want to destroy the world or own it. That's boring. It's more fun to watch the amateurs! :)


The Identity Thief

This is the person who wants to be you. They love everything about you, but won't admit it. They want your money, your looks, and your brains. Why? How the hell else are they going to be like you without stealing your identity? It's not like they can work for it themselves, lazy bums.

At the end of my story, this person would unknowingly steal the identity of a convicted child molester who violated probation for failure to register as a known sex offender. That'll teach them. =)


The Ignorant Narc

She's in everyone's business and thinks nobody knows she secretly envies everyone who has anything she doesn't, which is basically a lot to make up for. She has nothing going on in her life, so she reports on everything going on in your life, in your friend's life, in your dog's life, and essentially anything else she can make up. Little does she know, the person to whom she's reporting these things also thinks she's a loser.

It's hard not to feel sorry for this character, so in order to avoid making her a sympathetic character, she cannot EVER feel loneliness or self-pity. Keep the evil intact and do not give her any redeeming qualities.


The Immoral Whore

You know this person as the one who is sleeping with the boss to get ahead. He thinks everything is discreet as he slips into the big cheese's office to get a little quickie. He comes out adjusting his tie and gives his colleagues a little wink before heading back to his office.

He takes long lunches with the boss, they wait on each other before heading over to the "big" morning meeting, and they laugh and joke, coffee in hand, on the way back from the "big" meeting. He eventually gets fired for under performance, but we saw that coming, didn't we?


The Dastardly Moron

This one likes to be the smart guy who knows everything about anything, but nobody's allowed to actually SEE any of this knowledge in any sort of product he has created. You only get to hear him talk about his prowess, but you never see the results of anything he's ever accomplished.

Don't disturb him, either. He's BUSY! The boss is convinced this guy is a genius and now our superstar is trying to figure things out, all on his own, before he's found to be an utter moron. All the while he's screwing up all those things you will eventually have to fix once he's fired.


The Yes Man

Tim says I must absolutely list the "Yes" man. But I'll stop picking on the guys so much, so this next one will have to be the "Yes" woman. You know her as that person who agrees wholeheartedly with the new boss every chance she gets, no matter the utter moronic decisions executed.

The new boss says, "I think [Dastardly Moron] is doing an outstanding job. I think I want to promote him to management."

[Yes Woman] says, "Oh I AGREE with you! [Dastardly Moron] would make an excellent addition to the management team. Great call, boss! When I first met you, I just knew you would take charge and come in and get shit done around here. Are those new shoes? Those look like a pair I have at home. I do admire your taste."

Now, get back to work. But, share this first. We need to spread the word about this untapped resource of readily available villains.

Which of these would you vote as most annoying?



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Finding Your Writing Niche

I don't know why I did it, but today I purchased William Zinsser's On Writing Well from a gift shop bookstore. It was a little pricey, but the impulse, arising from boredom, put me in a curious mood. The front cover of this book clearly warns it is a "Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction."


Did you see that? The color of the operative word is red.

I've been trying to produce a fictional novel for the past several years. I've written fourteen chapters in my third attempt. Why would I gravitate toward such an extreme as nonfiction? I had to ask myself this because my appetite for fiction seems to have taken a dive. I leave my manuscript at various stages and in multiple locations: Dropbox folder, flash drive, external hard drive, etc. Sometimes I wonder when I'll actually hunker down and go looking for the most current version. Sad?!

So now I ask myself. What "nonfiction" subject would appeal to me? I've pampered my blog for 5 years now and I've never once treated it like I do my manuscripts. I haven't ignored it for months at a time. I check the health of my blog with Google Analytics to ensure she's getting the proper attention. I post articles with keywords resulting in promised and predictable results. So why don't I allot the same attention to my manuscript?

After I read the first 3 chapters of Zinsser's book, a revelation struck me. I'm not a storyteller. I don't have a story I can jot down in a set number of words to make a novel. I'm a writer who wants to tell you about what I know and believe. That's why I return here so much. I'm not wired to tell stories. I'm wired to give an opinion about things I care about, namely writing and the crap that happens to me.

This is sort of about writing, but it's more about crap that happens to me. It's about the purchase of a writing book which may have changed my writer path. Whether that's for the better or not, we shall see.

Maybe I should look into memoir writing...

Topics available:

1. The Magic Closet - the story of my son who has A.D.D. and the number of times I found naked girls in his bedroom closet.

2. Hi, I Don't Belong Here - my week long stay in the hospital because I lost it, really lost it.

3. I'm Glad I Wasn't Aborted, Too - a candid discussion with my mother who revealed the fact she couldn't afford to abort me and the relief she felt afterward.

Trust me, all three are nonfiction titles! Please vote and let me know which story I should tell. I appreciate your input. You all have been with me through the years. You SHOULD be the ones I listen to when making these major decisions with my writing journey. I trust you. Write your votes in the comments below.



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Top Ten Replaceable Words

An article jumped out at me while at work today. A link to it in our weekly newsletter lured me away, the title being "18 Common Words You Should Replace in Your Writing." So what do you think I did while reading this article? I mulled over each word and instinctively produced some fresh ideas of my own, not just replacement words. I'll summarize 10 of the suggestions given, then provide my own thoughts.

1. Good - superb, outstanding, or exceptional.

I agree with this one. If you want to say something was good or someone did well, try a little creative back story.

I hadn't had a meal like that since grandma made her chicken and dumplings and won first place at the Greenwich Country Cook Off.

2. New - latest or recent

If you're talking about a recent batch of donuts, wouldn't they be warm and sticky? Choose words which describe the properties of being new or recent. Maybe the smell of alcohol-based duplicating liquid would indicate the recent production of examination papers a teacher passes along in class.

Jackie lifted the paper and sniffed at the drying fumes on the exam sheet Miss Robinson placed on her desk.

Okay, so if you were born circa 1980, you won't get this. Just carry on.


3. Long - extended, lingering, or endless

If you tell me that it's been a long time since you last saw me, isn't that subjective? Maybe I didn't want to see you again, in which case it hadn't been long enough. Instead, be specific.

"Oh my goodness! It's been 10 years since I last saw you."  

"That many years, huh? Seems like yesterday to me."

4. Old - ancient, fossilized, decaying, or decrepit

The frayed laces and the unglued, rubber-tipped soles of his tennis shoes are a better way to describe something in a specific manner. Again, old is subjective here. To someone who grew up poor, that's just the half way point.


5. Right - exact, precise, or correct

It is the right thing to do! Oh yeah? Whose moral code are you following anyway?

She is right. Really? You mean what she said is based on fact? She spoke the truth, or otherwise didn't tell a lie.

I enjoy my coffee with 2 teaspoons of sugar in an 8 oz serving. Just right, for me.


6. Different - odd, uncommon, exotic, or striking

Instead of using the word different, I like to read descriptions which show contrast.

He flung the fair-skinned maiden onto the center stage in a room filled with Arabic bidders eager to make the purchase for her endowments. They yammered in quick, high pitched syllables, and the whites of their eyes bulged wildly from their sockets.

We can assume the lady is different in many ways, including race, community status, emotional state. So, when describing differences, think about why something or someone is different or odd. Let the reader enjoy the difference.


7. Small - microscopic, miniature, or tiny

Another subjective adjective. Babies are small, but baby rabbits are smaller. Here is another opportunity to show with contrast. What if you read about a tall man who had stubby, two-inch fingers and one-inch thumbs. Weird, huh?


8. Large - substantial, immense, enormous, or massive

I agree, large is boring. Huge is better! I like the word ginormous, shared by a fellow geek at an IBM conference once.

If you tell me a man palmed a regulation sized basketball, I will assume he has large hands. When describing mountains, it is not necessary to refer to them as massive. For real, is there a mountain out there which isn't massive?

The reception bill for my daughter's wedding would be considered large or substantial, but mentioning that it totalled $21,000.00 puts it in perspective a bit, doesn't it? Details are more substantive than mere adjectives.


9. Young - naive, youthful, or budding

Please be reminded that old people can be naive too. As a matter of fact, schemers tend to target elderly folk who are more naive in the ways of social engineering through technology and digital media.


10. Almost - nearly, practically, or verging on

Why even use these at all? I think this robs us of the fun in having things actually happen. So what if someone nearly fell off a chair? Wouldn't it be funnier if they fell off the chair?

Do you have any replaceable words to add to the list? 

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Battling Constructive Criticism - Ferret Style

Scholarly ferret has answers.

There are many things we'll hear from critique partners during our writing journeys. I've heard them about my stories and you'll hear them about yours, if you haven't already. These words are hurtful when you first hear them. After all, writing fiction is an art form and the creative soul cannot be judged, for art has value only to the artist. But if you want to sell your art, you are opening yourself up to scrutiny, right?

I encountered such criticisms in one of my first creative writing classes and I can tell you my reaction wasn't pretty. I'd spent almost $400.00 to take this class and I had better not hear anything but how great my writing is and how wonderful my story.

That didn't happen, unfortunately. I heard many things, and I'm about to share them with you. Trust me, I was steaming mad. The vulgar gestures I produced after having read the "constructive criticisms" of my classmates, went largely unnoticed, mainly because it was an online class and my computer shielded me from the rest of the group.


Q: Whose story is this?

A: What the hell are you talking about? It's my story, bitch!

Just kidding. When I was first asked this question, I wasn't sure what folks were talking about. I've introduced three characters already, so obviously it's about "at least" three characters, right?  ...right?

Confused ferret asks question.

It's their way of saying that they believe a story should have one main character and that character should have a story all about them and their journey. Fine and dandy! I get it. For new writers, maybe it's smart to stick to this "template" but seriously, there's more than one way to write a story folks.


Q: What is the main goal of your character?

A: Shouldn't you read more than the first chapter before you ask that question?

This is no joke. Why do you have to know the goal of my character when you start reading the story? Do you want to know the goal in the first chapter so you can then decide whether or not to buy the book? Is more than 15 minutes of reading in Barnes & Noble too much time to waste deciding whether or not the goal of my character is important enough to fork out $5.99? Read the back cover!

Angry ferret's favorite acronym RTFM

Okay, so the goal of my character is to travel to China, unlock the mystery behind the ancient Chinese secret, and rescue the world. Tada! End of story in only one chapter. Chapter Two: Does the Character Meet Her Goal?


Q: Do you expect us to believe your character actually drove off that cliff and survived?

A: It's fiction! 

The answer to this question is obvious. No, I don't expect you to believe it because it didn't happen for real. It happened in my story, and my story is fiction. If you do the same things my characters do and think you'll get away with it, then you deserve to die! Much like the Mountain Man.

Ferret wants you to chill.

Q: Couldn't you change it to read more like "blah blah blah blah blah, "blah, blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah?"

A: No, because then it would be YOUR story, not mine.

Writers are so funny when we critique other work. We all do it, but let's be honest. When we like something, we always want a crack at it to see if our version will sound better, look better, smell better, or taste better. Just like chefs, there's always a twist to make it better. Just remember, it's my food you are sampling. If you like it, get the basic recipe. You can always add your twist to it in your own kitchen, when you make your version.

Ninja ferret is not happy!

Q: Why is there so much head-hopping going on here?

A: What the hell is head-hopping?

I seriously did not understand this whole concept of head-hopping. It made me angry for so many people to tell me I was doing this when I didn't even know what it meant. In the voice of a whiny, little brat, "How does Jane know that John is feeling sad? She's not privy to his thoughts."

Can you guess ferret thoughts?

Um, I'm the author writing the story. Jane doesn't need to know that John is sad. I'm telling you he's sad! I know he's sad and because I know he's sad, Jane knows he's sad, and now so do you! Now shut up and read the rest of my story.


Do you recall any criticisms which made you feel immediately defensive about your writing? Please share!



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My Faux Pas While Conducting Research

I'm having an opportunity to review a thriller for a literary magazine and I so want to do a great job, an honest write up. So, what does an avid reader and fan of literary fiction do? We research anything that seems out of place. I think that's what we do.

It's my first official write up, so I wasn't quite sure what to do when I ran across a paragraph that simply did not ring true to me. I just couldn't believe that there would be 50,000 graves in a particular cemetery. Hell, Arlington National Cemetery has 300,000 (yes, I discovered this in my research) and they are the largest cemetery in the United States. Any other cemetery should pale in comparison, right?


So, what did you do, Diane?

I found the cemetery in question on the Internet and I called them!

"This is Lynn speaking, how may I help you?"

"Hi, Lynn. I'm conducting some research and would like to know how many marked graves you all have in your cemetery."

*silence*

*uncomfortable pause*

"I will find someone who can help you with that. One moment please."

Great customer service skills, by the way.

"Hello, Brett here. How can I help you?"

"Yes, I'm researching some information and would like to know how many graves you all have in your cemetery."

"Well ma'am, we have approximately 38,000 folks who have been laid to rest here and within various structures throughout our grounds and facility."

Now the silence was a massive white noise in my frontal lobe, slowly replaced with the knowledge of my faux pas. In my haste to uncover what I felt to be a greatly exaggerated metric, yet a highly insignificant piece of data conveyed in a work of fiction, I'd let my better judgement go and I had approached my target as if I were some insensitive ass. This isn't me, I promise.

So, what did it matter this number? Why did that red flag go up and why did I feel a compulsion to find out if it was true? If you say it was my OCD, that's partially it. It wasn't until I pondered my inner soul that I figured out what actually triggered that need to pull out of the story and go looking for answers.

Truth be told, I would never have questioned this had it not been a well-rounded, convenient number. If it was 46,000, fine! Even 51,000 would not have phased me a bit. I would have continued on with the story without even a single bump. Now I understand auditors a little more.

So there you have it. Stay away from well-rounded numbers, even if you've done your research. It will save your readers some embarrassment, maybe. Not every reader would think to call a cemetery and ask such a thing. Or would they?

Last thing I would like to do is publicly apologize for 1. Questioning the author's integrity (after all, it is fiction) and 2. Being such an insensitive ass toward all the 38,000 folks laid to rest in that cemetery. In closing, I think I've learned a little something about social etiquette.

Question of the day: What was the oddest research you ever conducted and what was the response?



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5 Motives For Animals in Fiction

I asked Tim to recall all the fictional novels he's read (or movies watched) where animals played a part. I did this because I was curious to know what other readers would come up with, not just me. He named the novels (movies) and I noticed there were, to me, different motivations for animals appearing as characters, even the walk-ons. These are the ones I found.


Please Like My Protagonist

At most conferences I've attended and online writing classes I've taken, the speakers have discussed this thing referred to as "pet the dog" which simply means get the reader to instantly like your protagonist. Whenever any character shows affection toward an animal, it will create this connection with your reader. How about an Orangutan? Remember Clyde in Every Which Way But Loose and its sequel? Best sidekick EVER!

Here's a quick example. When a cop picks up that cute puppy in an alley while searching for some bad guy, notice he gives it a quick snuggle before tucking it safely behind some dumpster? Now, back to the bad guy and doing the much needed deed, moving the plot along. It's not realistic, but it works. The cop has a soft spot, even while in the middle of a very dangerous chase. This cute scenario doesn't really belong in the story, but it serves one of two purposes for supplying elements which seem out of place. It adds to character development. The other would be to further the plot, which it does not.


Creating Conflicting Emotions

Two elements I love to experience at the same time are feeling my love for humanity and feeling love for a helpless NON-human type. How does one promote love for humanity? Um, you have an horrific animal which causes incomprehensible damage to society. Think King Kong, Godzilla, Food of the Gods, and Jaws. It's man against this indestructible creature wreaking havoc upon their villages.

And don't give these creatures any qualities that make them human, like King Kong actually falling in love with the girl. NOooooooo!!!! Now we have to like the creature, and that defeats the purpose of bringing society together to kill it. Talk about conflicting emotions for your readers.

In Jaws, the mother was protecting her 15 foot baby the fishermen killed! Those bastards. Of course, any mother would go after them murderers, and with great vengeance. How do you hate such a creature?


Creating Horror and Anticipation

One of the things in fiction that has a remarkable affect on readers, and I say this from my own experience as an avid reader of horror, is the mention of acts performed by domestic animals, acts we cannot deny but we cringe knowing of them. Like the cannibalism of hamsters when one of their own becomes ill. No, our pets are not cannibals!

Authors remind us of the horrors we wish to deny. They torture us with these tidbits of information, reminding our kindred of the evil which exists in our innocent world, the one we so desperately seek to escape. MWAHAHAHAHA!!

A stray dog wouldn't eat the scalp off a dead man. But, what if he'd been abandoned and was hungry, like the one in Stephen King's Gerald's Game? I think King described it like the sound of pulling up carpet? I don't care how hungry my Maggie ever gets, she'd never eat my scalp!

Promoting Religious Views

So, what does it say to you, the reader, when you read about the family pet who died? Pet Sematary is an example. Karma? Did you get a sense that the author had a particular religion they were depicting or did it just seem creepy to you? Coming back to life: evil times 3! I'm not suggesting this was the intent, but when I read the book, I felt a lot of ceremony in it.


Political Dissidence

Animal Farm is a great example of this, but that's literary stuff, so who cares? :)  Read it!

I use animals in my short story Snow Leopard. The cats in my story are major characters and they play a very prominent role in how I feel about political dissidence in America today. They are tools and my intent has always been the hope that my readers will relate on a deeper level at some point.


Okay, I admit, I'm being overly harsh on the writers out there, but I want to know. Do you think about why you include animals in your scenarios? Do you ever wonder why you find the need to include them? I think it's okay to do it, I just wonder if you know why you do it and do these specific reasons I point out hit the mark?



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