12 September 2012

F Is For Food Network


Food Network, what would I do without you and why are you so addicting? I needed to take a break from writing about writing, so I’m writing about the chunk of time that I waste on my 2nd favorite thing, the Food Network.

Seriously, aside from Fox News, it’s the only channel I watch anymore. After my daughter moved out, I had to contact Comcast and turn in a bunch of equipment and downgrade my plan. Why should I pay all that money when I only watch two channels? I don’t even watch The Weather Channel anymore because I have an app for that on my iPhone.


What I watch on The Food Network



Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives – Guy Fiere makes all the food look so tasty and inviting. With a pause, he holds up a freshly baked, broiled, or fried food concoction while looking at the camera. Eat it already! You know when he really likes something. The chef gets a couple of grunts and a fist bump. I think I know when he doesn’t really like something. He’ll make noises while eating, but then he’ll go and describe stuff like “crunch” and “kick” and “depth” – but, no fist bump. He could probably make a shit sandwich look good. He might say it had some “kick” and “depth” but probably not so much crunch.

Chopped – What do I love most about this show? The judges! They remind me of my boss from The City of Albany, GA. I had done something not so conventional and I remember trying to explain what I had been trying to do. She looked at me over the rim of her reading glasses. I felt very small because a lot of money was invested in the project – my time, months of work, etc. I understand better today. I also laugh at these judges. They’re so serious. It’s food!! You eat it, your body digests it, and then it comes back out. It’s all recyclable in a 24 hour period. Stop being such snobs. These chefs have passion for what they do. Chill, okay?

The Best Thing I Ever Ate – This is a fun show because you get to listen to all your favorite celebrity chefs talk about the foods they love that someone else made. Finally, right? We watch a whole week of you guys cooking and celebrating what YOU created. Yes, it looks great. We trust you when you sample a morsel and tell us how good it is. But, it’s refreshing to listen to your praises while celebrating someone else’s creation every now and again.


What I don’t watch


Cupcake Wars – I do get it. I understand what’s going on in this show. It’s a great concept. I can’t help but wonder why the judges aren’t fat. As much as they love cupcakes, you’d think they would be huge. Plus, I don’t like the French judge’s voice; it’s annoying. Zees cupcait eez lacking za vaneela I wuz expecting. It’s a cupcake! I can’t tell you the difference between any two cupcakes other than color and the decoration on top. A cupcake is a cupcake is a cupcake!




Sweet GeniusThe host and judge of this show is creepy. The way they switch up the competition with inspirational additions is creepy. The show is just down right creepy. When the host announces a new additional ingredient, the camera captures his excitement, eyes bright, fingertips pressed together like he is waiting for his evil plan to unfold. I could write a suspense thriller spin off from this show. The antagonist is a secret. I bet you can’t guess who I have in mind.



Do you watch The Food Network? If so, which shows do you watch and which ones do you not watch and why? Are there better shows or worse shows on this channel?

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15 comments:

  1. I have a love hate relationship with Robert Irvine and Restaurant Impossible. I can't even imagine anyone being that mean and yet it all seems to turn out in the end. Kind of motivational I guess in a sick way. :) Loved your post. I watch Guy once in awhile. Cupcake Wars-never-okay twice but there was nothing on.

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    1. LOL Eve! When there's nothing else on, I've done the appeasement for the Food Network and watched, painfully loyal as I am...I watched. :)

      Restaurant Impossible should have an R rating on the Network, simply because it reeks of sadomasochism. It's like that other show where this guy sets up cameras to watch the place and then shows the owner what's going on behind their back and how to improve business.

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  2. Hi Diane!

    I LOVE the food network (here in the UK it's called The Good Food Channel). There are such great shows, but my ultimate is Great British Bake-Off. A great reality show where people compete each week by baking different things from pies to puddings to cakes. Delish! I'm also a massive Man V. Food fan ... nuff said:)

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    1. Man V. Food! :)

      I think I watched that one 5 or 6 times and he was never able to win the challenge set before him. I wanted to see him win, it was so painful to watch in the final minutes!

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  3. I don't like Cupcake Wars either. It's especially silly when the judges talk about a darn cupcake as if it was a priceless DiVinci or something.

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    1. That's exactly how they treat them! It's like dude, it's a cupcake! Stop trying to elevate your importance by making it some mysterious thing that only you can judge with your expert taste buds.

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  4. I met Guy Fiere once. He was kind of a jerk. True story! :)

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    1. I guessed that when I did my Google search looking for a picture of him sampling food. Every other picture of him indicates he's a huge narcissist. :) True story!

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  5. I've never watched the food network. Is that weird?

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    1. It's not weird, Kelly. Just don't do it. It's addicting and will distract you from your writing! :D

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  6. LOL!!! I really find it hard to believe that you enjoy watching the Food Network since you don't even do any cooking.

    Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives and The Best thing I ever ate are 2 of my favorites!!

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    1. :D I am a voyeur, I watch and appreciate. I wouldn't want to do it, I just appreciate the process that makes the end product. lol

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  7. Hilarious! I can't understand anything that judge on Cupcake Wars says I just know he hates red velvet cupcakes. I watch Chopped, Restaurant Impossible ("This food sucks! Tanya and Tom I need this restaurant done by 3:00!"), Throwdown with Bobby Flay, and the Great Food Truck Race. I like competition shows because I try to image what I would do in the their situation (probably cry.

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    1. Bobby Flay is hot, but I only watch him if I'm surfing the Food Network and I settle with the Iron Chef show and he's competing.

      I don't feel guilty though, because my husband would do the same thing if Jennifer Anniston was on Entertainment channel. lol

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  8. It's possible that channel turns up on our cable offerings... but I bypass it entirely. I watch very little television these days. Castle... and the Daily Show, Colbert Report. That's pretty much it.

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