16 December 2011

My Top 10 Pet Peeves of the Romance Novel


I am not picking on romance writers. I’m picking out some elements of romance novels that bother me, especially when they are over done or poorly written. So, here are my top 10 pet peeves on the romance novels that I’ve read throughout the years. Don’t worry, mystery/suspense novels, you’re next!

1. His eyes danced across her bosom

Really? Aside from the fact that eyeballs do not have arms and legs and therefore cannot possibly dance anywhere, let alone atop her voluminous breasts, this just grates on my nerves. I want to pluck those pesky eyeballs from her chest and hoist them back into their sockets.

2. Kissing and flirting for increased sexual tension

When a story is already classified as a romance, there’s no question that there will exist a sexual tension of sorts between the hero and heroine. But don’t ruin it with the occasional stolen kiss or less than climactic romp in the hay throughout the storyline. It’s not necessary and it makes the consummation less meaningful and intense. When he finally “takes her” it should be all the way or nothing. Wait, that’s too much like real life chemistry.

3. The sardonic smile

Seriously, what does this look like? Does one side of his lip go up in a quirk and the other in a half-ass smile? Awkward, isn't it? Why doesn't he just smile after making a satirical remark? Is that too difficult to put down on paper?

4. His smile reached his eyes.

Don't you picture a set of stretched lips popping out from behind the eyes, gasping for breath after having climbed some mysterious set of stairs in order to get there?

5. The seduction by the virginal heroine, while the hero watches with obvious amusement

This is painful to read. This doesn't happen in reality. No matter how clumsy a beautiful, young woman's attempt at seduction, no male object of her affection is going to be watching with amusement. He will be involved from the beginning when she asks, "Would you like to come in for a drink?" This is not amusing to any man; this is serious business. Anything a woman does from this point on deserves his full attention, seriously.

6. Aftermath of the lust-filled evening

Why does the guy always get up first, leaving the woman to awaken, alone, cheeks burning as she reflects upon her behavior from the previous evening? Instead, I want to see her walk in when he wakes up. I want her to be fully clothed and in control. She drops a few photos on the bed and says, "My real name is Isabelle Gonzales and I'm a spy. I've been following your involvement with Cicero, Inc. We'll need to clear a few things up before breakfast." Exit heroine, wearing 4 inch stilettos and an Armani suit. But hey, that's just me.

7. Enter femme fatale

Why are they always a mirror image of the bitchiest girl in high school? A woman doesn't have to be a complete bitch to make another woman feel insecure. I'd like to read some fresh material on this element of romance. The femme fatale is over played and certainly under appreciated by me.

8. Good looking millionaires thinking that a woman is after his money

Right, because he certainly doesn’t have anything else going for him. Perfect teeth, brilliant smile, confidence, strength and a great command over the people around him -- no, that's not attractive at all. It's definitely his money she's after. Nothing like ruining a perfectly wonderful hero by making him a dumbass on top of all his greatness.

9. The big misunderstanding

Every romance has one. The perceived socialite is discovered to be a virgin. The hermit lumber jack turns out to be the CEO of a multi-million dollar company. Ta da! Surprise! Really?

10. Wrapping it all up

The ending of a romance is always the boring part to me. All the mysterious things going on have to be wrapped up by the author in such a way that you will understand why something happened that probably shouldn't have happened without explanation. This is also the part where the man gets mushy and drops the facade of being the strong, wealthy, confident man with whom she fell in love. He's become a wallowing wimp and she cries tears of joy over his professed love for her.

The End

39 comments:

  1. Thanks for giving me some good ideas! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't read much romance--at least not straight forward romance. This is funny!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Had me chuckling from the first image you gave me of a dancing eyeball getting his leg stuck in some cleavage, lol.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you, glad you guys got a chuckle, but I just had to get it off my chest (pun intended).

    :D

    ReplyDelete
  5. I find myself writing more and more romantic elements into my stories (editing a sci-fi one centered around a noble couple and working on another that kicks off with a sex scene), but I really hate the whole lot of cliches of romance novels. And don't get me started on UST or Romantic Triangles.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm embarrassed to admit, I had to look up UST. Is it Unresolved Sexual Tension?

    lol, sorry, had to ask.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yes, it is and the bane of many a TV show. Might as well hang the cast and dump the show. I prefer to get the couple together early and see what happens.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ah, but if they get together too soon and it fizzles, show's over. What do you do with them after that? One of them has to exit, stage left.

    Anyway, that said, this has made me want to remove all elements of romance from my WIP. Time to remove a couple scenes in toto.

    ReplyDelete
  9. *takes notes*

    Actually, most of those are my pet peeves about romance ... and I *write* romance. Those those I would add the couple laying eyes on each other in the first scene, and declaring their undying love and marriage plans to each other a week later in story time.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Then it was never meant to be. That's the key. There has to be more than juts, "Oh gosh she is hot!" The trials and tribulations is what matters. The push and pull. Putting them through the ringer as it where.

    It not a question of whether they love each other or not but what are they willing to do about it.

    Now that is interesting to me.

    ReplyDelete
  11. How about they spend a short period of time in conflict, get it on, and then they discover that they might have connections that would tear them apart and so the conflict is in trying to stay away from one another until it is all resolved? :)

    Now THAT, I can read.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I really laughed at number 8. I like a good romance, but yes some of the really cheesy ones have a few of those pet peeves in them.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm with you Kelley. I'm going to buy a modern day romance and give it another shot.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Try an Urban Fantasy with a strong romance. That is what I like. The darker the story the better . Maybe Ilona Andrews' Kate Daniel Series. Stay away from Paranormal Romance! They tend to use every romance cliche out there

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yea, Sharon, I will definitely check it out. The whole paranormal thing seems to be an influx of younger writers who will learn and get better hopefully. I've not read a paranormal yet, but my daughter bought me a book for my birthday on writing the paranormal genre. She might be telling me she wants to read that stuff. :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Now this was great, and I also write romance (among other genres). I will keep these in mind...honest...should I edit again? LOL Following.

    ReplyDelete
  17. No such thing as modern romance novels, its still reads like a classic romance. "Reality Romance" is where its at, with a hint of Snookie. Now that's an attention keeper!!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I love your list! You got to many of my pet peeves, as well. I'm looking forward to mystery/suspense's list!

    ReplyDelete
  19. A UF with strong romance elements? Try Kelly Meding's Dreg City Series. I read the first two: Three Days to Dead and As I Lie Dead and recommend them both. Which reminds me, I have to pick up the other two books.

    ReplyDelete
  20. LOL! I don't read romance novels, but I totally believe you! It sounds about right.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh GOD ME TOO! I agree 100%. Some romance is just AWFUl for that reason alone. Or worse, mystery novels with romance. The male cop saving the damsel in distress who falls for him and they end up doing it while in hiding. BO-RING.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I don't read romance, but this post made me laugh. Number 4 just sounds creepy!

    ReplyDelete
  23. The books are about the celebration of falling in love and emotion and commitment, and all of those things I really want.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Watch people when they give you a fake smile, then you'll see 4 in a new light. Maybe a cliche for romance, but you really can see when a smile reaches someones eyes, it lights up their face. It's not the kind of romantic smile you'd give to another person though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I buy this, because I can look at a group photograph and tell you who is really happy and who isn't. It shows in the eyes, the lips, cheeks and even body language.

      I like it best when writers describe a genuine smile that isn't forced, and a smile that reaches one's eyes is pretty descriptive, but I giggle each time I read it, just because I get the little image in my head of the pair of lips with little legs, running, trying to get to the eyes. But, that's just me and my over-active imagination! lol

      Delete
  25. Terrific analysis, Diane. It's not that we don't like romance--we just don't like the superficial way the genre treats it.

    Romance is a profound subject that may require not only a sensitive touch but deep and original thought.

    That said, the genre apparently serves a lot of needs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The validation makes me feel secure in speaking out against the superficial things I discovered.

      I've read some books that were not classified "romance" and I was romantically touched by scenes where the author truly enthralled me. :)

      I can't explain beyond that.

      Delete
  26. I do not like to put down an entire genre, but most romance novels are so predictable. And many scenes make me groan out loud, thinking, "I would never do that!" And the overuse of "heaving" makes me want to, um, heave.

    ReplyDelete
  27. LOL! *heave*

    Predictable it right, because in the end, they must be together. I'm with you though. The ENTIRE story doesn't have to be filled with it. The girl is plain, the guy is rich, the ex is threatening them, the maid is the guardian, etc, etc.

    I make fun of romance all the time, but it's absolutely my favorite genre because I just can't help myself. :D

    ReplyDelete
  28. That's it, I'm officially retiring my sardonic smile.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just don't replace it with the beaming bright one. :D

      In a romance, I prefer the man to not smile at all. Not until there is a candid moment when the heroine isn't supposed to be watching. It's perhaps the sexiest type of smile I like to encounter in a romance.

      Delete
  29. hahaha.. Good one...Romance novels are very predictable

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Especially the endings. He always gets the girl. :)

      Delete
  30. A nice list you have here! I totally agree with most of your points, it really annoys me! Some of the description people use especially "His smile reached his eyes" is really odd. I wrote a post about my own fiction pet peeves, it includes some additional ones that you may not have talked about but I hope you will read and tell me what you think :) http://nynyonlinex.wordpress.com/2013/03/06/fiction-pet-peeves/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will have to check out your list. Thank you for your feedback.

      Delete
  31. I haven't read many romance novels, but of the few I read, I noticed a few of these points that definitely left me shaking my head. This list was great! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not sure how much romance novels have advanced since I read them several years ago. I tried to read a more modern day romance and it didn't appeal to me. I'll have to try them out again soon.

      Delete

I welcome feedback, so please leave your thoughts.

Contact Diane

Name

Email *

Message *