25 February 2012

Why Do You Write?

I get this question a lot and I know you do as well. People want to know why I write and when I started. Why does a Computer Programmer spend as much of her time as she can, away from work, writing fiction and updating a themed blog about making progress?

There is this one thing in life that I experienced that I never thought I would be able to share with anyone much less the world. But it’s at the root of the answer to this question.

Many years ago, I was hospitalized for a week, diagnosed with Paranoid Psychosis. This was triggered by stress brought on by my repressive personality, which led to an extreme case of insomnia. Sounds like a lot, but it was a simple turn of events.


Let me tell you this; there are many things to observe in a mental ward of a hospital. One of which was the fact I didn't belong there. It's funny to me now because people say the craziest in the world think everyone else is crazy. Seriously, everyone belonged in there with the exception of me.

Forget that only three hours prior to being admitted I was having a delusional conversation with my pet rabbit about a conspiracy to end my life, the main conspirators being my husband and two children, ages nine and four. 


As the medication and sleep brought my thoughts back into balance, I realized (still) how many fruitcakes there were in that hospital. Knowing I was involuntarily admitted to spend my time in the company of these emotional lunatics was embarrassing. Though not a fruitcake then and still today, very mentally stable, I do have a minor case of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).

It’s not an affliction that keeps me from functioning properly. Though, it keeps my mind constantly cluttered with images and thoughts that I don't want to think about but can't avoid, like what it would sound like cracking a skull with a brick or popping someone’s eyeball. Is it liquid inside? Would there be a noise? I’m too lazy to do the research, so I just think about it.

I think the reason I have thoughts about things like that is because I might want to write a story and those things might happen in my story. In fiction writing, we’re taught to use sensory description; show the reader the horror of your scene, don’t just tell them about it. You want them to experience it, so therefore, it must be convincing.



What does it feel like to choke someone? Do your eyes burn if blood splatters into them? By the way, the answer to that one is NO. I got that from my sister who was in a car accident. Blood dripped down her forehead and into her eyes. She did say I was accurate in that it makes everything look red. Sorry for the digression.

So when I write, it's almost like I can express these things that are in my mind and when it's out there I'm no longer responsible for thinking them because I've shared it now, through whatever outlet. I think that for me fiction writing or creative writing is like a validation of some sort. It’s a way for me to say that it's okay that I thought those things. It's like casting out demons at an exorcism.

After reading about individuality and voice in my last class, I thought about the things in myself that might contribute to my writings in a unique way (afflictions). I’ve sort of gotten used to sharing even the not so flowery parts of my life and who I am and those things I think about no matter how sordid. I feel like I can write about anything, with a great deal of honesty and without inhibition.

So tell me why you write and where it all started for you. Leave a brief comment if you like. But, if you decide to write a longer piece on your own blog/site, I’m providing this form so you can link your post here and we can make it a blog hop! Thanks for sharing.

Here's the code to insert participants on your blog (I couldn't figure out how to place it in here as text).








36 comments:

  1. Great post! You inspired me to write my own. Those types of experiences you described work wonders for making an interesting story. I've had my own like that (been in my own share of psych wards...visiting a brother with severe paranoid schizophrenia can do that to you). As much as I wish I had different inspiration to draw from, I figure, those are the types of experiences that can really help you know the depth of the human brain. And good for you for using the power of the printed word to channel that energy and those thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Nicole. I first learned of paranoid schizophrenia from watching the movie A Beautiful Mind. Great movie!

      Yeah, these types of experiences I'm saving for my memoir where there will be more detail. :)

      Delete
  2. I so admire your honestly and confidence to write about a part of your life that most people would hide away. But isn't that the wonderful thing about modern technoglogy? You can sit safe in your home and write about whatever you want, just you and your mind, but instantly it can reach the minds of others sitting safe in their own homes. Now there is another subject for a blog LOL. I love your insightful posts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Another reason I love to write! I'm glad you find my posts insightful. Honesty is what people want in a world full of cheats and hacks. Where can you go to get an honest friend to share time with? Safe at home! :)

      I love technology!

      Delete
  3. Thank you for sharing your story. It's time America quit stigmatizing mental illness which is an illness just like cancer or heart disease and shouldn't be something to hide or be ashamed of. I have relatives with bipolar disease and it is hard to deal with. I write because I live in the country with my young granddaughter and I feel like I have no one to talk to so writing gives me a chance to express myself. Also congratulations of winning the contest on my blog! As soon as I get your address I will send you your prize!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yay! I won something. :D Sent my address this evening.

      Writing is definitely an expression of self, no matter from where it comes, painful memories or happy ones. The gift of writing allows us to share.

      Delete
  4. I agree that it is an expression of self. I'm writing about this on my blog and will link it when done. It's also a place where I can live other peoples lives for fun, but so can my readers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can't wait to read it! It's so worth it to connect with others who have the same passions. Go girl! :)

      Delete
  5. Thank you Diane - indeed a question I am sure I'd get asked a lot if the people around me knew I was writing... But anyway, I write to come to terms with certain emotions, to digest what I do and why I do it, to ask questions and to answer them, to finally do what I want to do (even if in "secret"). Sorry if that makes no sense...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ED, I wrote for several years before anyone knew I was writing. I think if I'd started sooner, I probably would have saved myself a hospital stay. Writing is good therapy for me, and I sense for you as well. I think for me it's because I can reflect upon myself and the things that are important to me. Everything else, I can forget about and let someone else figure it out.

      It's okay to be a closet writer. When it's time to share, you'll know it. :)

      Delete
  6. Wow! Great Post Diane. Thank you for sharing. Writing honestly, I think, is so important because it elevates writing. It makes it that much more powerful. Because, you are never alone. There is always at least one person out there who has thought/ felt the same thing and can relate.

    This post has inspired me to think about Why I Write (I hope I get time today to write a post about it).

    http://unpublishedworksofme.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can't wait to read your post! Inspiring others to write is what it's all about. =D

      Delete
  7. Awesome post! I just started blogging and I'd intended to address that question with an entry eventually. Maybe now I'll do it sooner rather than later so I can toss a link into the hop.

    P.S. I came here from AW, but are you pyrosama on F2K as well? I'm TheJames over there. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, and can't wait to read yours.

      P.S. Yes! lol

      Delete
    2. It looks like mine posted twice for some reason! I swear I only hit the button once! :P

      Delete
    3. Ah, I see. Don't worry, I'll fix it. :D Then I'll read it. Then I'll comment on it. lol

      Delete
  8. Bravo, Diane!

    Am happy you have discovered a creative outlet. Hope your writing gift continues to florish.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I'm excited about the March Blog Chain. :)

      Delete
  9. Hi, Diane!

    Okay, I posted to my blog with the answer to this question. Link at: http://cathyclampauthor.blogspot.com Thanks for the question!

    Cathy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for linking back to my blog, Cathy. I think your post was most excellent and I hope you grow in your readership! I think it's great when you can create characters that readers hate and you should feel happy because you meant to do it! :D

      Awesome!

      Delete
  10. Hi Cathy and Diane :) Cathy asked us all to comment to each blog, so I think your going to be busy reading replies! I actually do write as well. I think alot of us hard core readers probably do, but most of us never share those writings with others. I agree completely that it is very theraputic. I have gotten up in the middle of the night to write down the details from some crazy dream, just to clear them out of my mind so that I can sleep. Why do I write? When I actually write a story? probably because my every day life is pretty boring! When you write, you can be anyone! :) Much luck in your writings ladies :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for stopping by! I have also gotten up in the middle of the night to jot some things down, but when I woke the next morning, I couldn't remember where I saved my file or what I even named it. I did a search in recent documents and nothing jumped out, then it occurred to me....did I dream about writing? lol

      I consider myself boring too! :)

      Delete
  11. Yes, I have asked myself that quite allot lately—…and many times I hear back from self, saying …Remember your day job.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am thankful for my day job. But, if I could make the same amount of money writing as I do as a computer programmer, I'd have to choose writing. It keeps me more sane than computer code. :D

      Delete
  12. I'm not a writer, but some years back I did write. It was nothing that I would show anyone and it was just an outlet for me.

    I envy you being able to tell your story like that. I couldn't bring myself to doing something like that for fear of being made fun of or whatever. You'd think I'd have gotten past the insecurities that I had when I was a kid but unfortunately not.

    Best of luck with your writing!

    Pam

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Pam. I still have other insecurities to get over, too. :)

      There's more?! Why yes, there is! LOL

      Delete
  13. I write occasionally, mostly just jumbles of thoughts that barely make sense to me nevermind anyone else reading it. One day it will be a book, until then I will keep putting pen to pad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They say to keep writing and something will come right on out and hit you like a brick on the head. That hasn't happened to me yet, but I'm still here, plugging away on my computer.

      Thanks for stopping by. Never give up!

      Delete
  14. I am actually not a writer I guess in the traditional sense... it all started for me by reading some really awesome books that I just couldn't not write to the author and let them know how I felt. Then I found myself checking out review sites to see if others felt the same way and ultimately ended up applying to become a reviewer. Now a few years later I am still doing just that by reading wonderful stories and submitting reviews. So I may not be an author like one would think at first, but I am in my own way an author of original reviews. Maybe some day I will make the cross-over:)

    yadkny@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've posted a few reviews on Goodreads.com but I don't always post when I finish a book. Maybe if I ever finish my novel, you can beta read it for me? :D

      Delete
  15. I am humbled by your willingness to be so open about yourself.

    I am not much of a writer, but I'm a huge book lover! I love to escape from the high stresses of work and home from time to time...without ever leaving the couch :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha, Jess. Someday, I will publish a book that maybe you might read sitting on your couch! :)

      Delete
  16. Thanks so much for your blog! I used to write but haven't done so for a long time. This makes me think about trying again. I have ideas that run through my head all the time; however, it's hard to find the time (and the energy when I have the time) to do it. Thanks again!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. More writers in the blogosphere would be a welcome for me since I love to read as well. There are so many different personalities and backgrounds out here that it makes it spicy and fun to be a part of it all.

      I hope you do decide to write again. If you enjoy writing, I want to read what you write. I can always hear the voice of the passionate writer!

      Thanks for stopping by, Jenny.

      Delete
  17. Great post Diane. I thought I was the only that thought of those darker thoughts. :-) I appreciate your honesty with this blog post. Very refreshng to read it...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Mike. Honesty will always reach the true readers and like-minded folk. :)

      Stop by again!

      Delete

I welcome feedback, so please leave your thoughts.

Contact Diane

Name

Email *

Message *