25 June 2011

Why Paper Beats Rock

I had a discussion with a colleague at work several years ago. We were discussing the logic of Rock, Paper, Scissors. He later wrote an email describing his thoughts behind the Paper/Rock dynamic.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the heck cant paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class?

I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you. --Joel

Being the creative person that I am, I felt that I should respond in the only way I knew how and that was to write him a poem explaining why it is so, that the Paper is superior to the Rock.

A rock finds a balled up piece of paper and unravels it. It finds eloquently written prose that it cannot read:

On this median I do write
A tale of sorrow, not of spite
For in it lies a morbid gift
Of truth to those who find a rift

You cannot win this game of wit
You are a rock you will admit
A poor, existing chunk of fissured land
I grant to you a helping hand

Far superior am I to thee
There is no comparison you see
I concede to you, my jaw you may sock
But the fact remains, you're a fucking rock


  1. I'm happy that others find it amusing, too. I wrote it several years ago, but just felt like sharing it now. Thanks for the feedback!

  2. Yay! I am pageview # 2000!

    Also, LOL @ the poem. Epic!


  3. *Thumbs up* J Andrew!! I didn't realize there was a count, but now I do!!! #winning :D

  4. I love this! Ha ha..I've always wondered that. Now I can't help but wonder whiter there is a deeper meaning as to which one people choose at first! Or does scissors always get chosen first?

  5. Beautiful! Checkin out your new gadgets :)

  6. Thanks guys! I swear, I had to remove the chat engine. It was so spammy and slow. I love the Good Reads gadget the best.

  7. My Theory on why people choose what they choose:

    Paper (touchy feely types)- they want to touch you by wrapping their hand around your fist if you are rock. If you are scissors they want you to put their hand in between your two fingers (tsk, a bit naughty I think).

    Scissors (Sado-Masochist) - they want to cut the paper to shreds, but they like it when rock pummels them.

    Rock (Childish Bully) - they want to beat up on weaker things, until mommy (paper) comes along and offers her hugs.

    TeeHee! Have a nice day!

  8. Thanks Rena! Glad you could stop by and visit. See you in the Blog-o-sphere!

  9. I'm late to the party, but that was great! (I almost said "that rocked" and recognized the awful pun that I could not bring myself to make...) Anyway, there is a robot hand now that plays this game. However, it always wins. The robot has sensors that can distinguish tiny movements in the hand quickly enough to decipher which object the human player will make, and make the one that wins (rock, paper or scissors.)

    1. I wonder if one could fake it out by developing a move that looks like you're fixing to open your entire hand and then only open two fingers. I was going to do paper, but changed my mind and decided to go with scissors. You'd have to be awfully quick. Hahahahah!!



    Paper beats Rock BECAUSE Paper symbolizes the written word which is eqal with intelligence or BRAIN and Rock symbolizises the muscular strength.
    Thats why PAPER beats ROCK!!


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