25 June 2011

Why Paper Beats Rock

I had a discussion with a colleague at work several years ago. We were discussing the logic of Rock, Paper, Scissors. He later wrote an email describing his thoughts behind the Paper/Rock dynamic.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the heck cant paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class?

I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you. --Joel

Being the creative person that I am, I felt that I should respond in the only way I knew how and that was to write him a poem explaining why it is so, that the Paper is superior to the Rock.

A rock finds a balled up piece of paper and unravels it. It finds eloquently written prose that it cannot read:

On this median I do write
A tale of sorrow, not of spite
For in it lies a morbid gift
Of truth to those who find a rift

You cannot win this game of wit
You are a rock you will admit
A poor, existing chunk of fissured land
I grant to you a helping hand

Far superior am I to thee
There is no comparison you see
I concede to you, my jaw you may sock
But the fact remains, you're a fucking rock

18 June 2011

Hint Fiction Contest

I have writer's block right now, so I want you all to write something for me! Please join me in this adventure, my first ever Hint Fiction Contest! The deadline for entries will be July 15th and the winning entry will be posted on my blog.

The winner of this contest will receive $25.00 and an electronic copy of my short story titled Snow Leopard.


1. You must follow this blog, and then post your entry as a comment.

2. Each follower can post one entry and any entry after that first entry will not count.

3. All anonymous entries will be deleted.

4. No story entry can be more than 25 words.

5. On July 15th, all entries will be deleted and the winner will be contacted before the winning entry is posted.

6. The winner will be required to provide contact information in order to receive prizes.

7. My relatives are not eligible to enter this contest.

Three judges will score the entries based on:

1. Completeness - Does the story feel complete?
2. Creativity - Is it different?
3. Appeal - In essence, did you like it?

Have fun! Hope to see your entries soon.

Winner announced on July 19th and all published Hint Fiction stories have been removed from this post. The stories were all fun and fabulous, so thank you for participating.

I may be hosting another contest, maybe Flash Fiction, in the future, so please stop by regularly to find out what's going on!

04 June 2011

God Is Testing My Patience

God tested my patience when we drove half way to North Carolina and stayed at the Embassy Suites in Savannah. The "Manager's Reception" had just started and that means free beer. We ordered ourselves a couple of tall drafts, but they didn’t have Miller Lite, so that was a little disappointing in itself. It was a Thursday evening and we didn’t find many people bellied up to the bar.

We drank our beers and engaged in small talk with the bartender until this one guy, two stools down from us, acknowledged my husband with a slight nod of his head.

"You a Marine?"

"Retired," Tim offered, though clearly scripted in bright red letters on the front of his shirt read the words "Retired USMC".

"My dad’s a retired Marine," the man said. "He joined back in the day when everyone hated the Japs."

I choked up some beer, but recovered quickly.

Really? Really?!

Okay, so I wasn't in the mood for a fight. I drank my beer in silence with this silly smirk on my face thinking, “You know what … if my husband wasn’t the respectable man that he is, I would climb over him right now and beat your ass.” Instead, I remained cordial and listened while they talked about military history and the bombing of Pearl Harbor.

I had been thinking a lot lately about projecting a positive image of myself as this demure, older lady but I sensed my tolerance of the man wearing thin. I let it go because I knew later that Tim and I would laugh about the ignorance of the man. However, that same evening, we found a nice little watering hole outside the good city of Savannah and I had this great conversation with another gentleman.

“Where ya from?” he asked.

“Tallahassee,” I said.

“No, like where ya come from?”

My usual answer of “from my mother’s womb” came to mind, but the snarky answer remained inside my head. “You mean, what’s my nationality?” The calmness in my voice surprised me because I was highly irritated knowing exactly what he was asking.

“I’m half Japanese.” I took another sip of beer.

“Yea, I thought Asian, but not sure which kind since ya’all look alike," he said.

"Really? How so?" I motioned to the bartender for another draft so that I’d have something to do with my hand other than balling it up into a fist and shoving it down this man's throat.

"Ya’ll have slanted eyes," he said. Then he laughed and snorted and I think he even slapped his knee once.

I don’t know if it was the beer doing funny things to me or what, but when I turned to look at him, I saw these huge buck teeth and long ass donkey ears. I was speechless. Somehow, I didn’t have the heart to respond.


Can we just fast-forward to the year 2030 so I can see which group is getting all the hate? I can promise you I won’t be telling anyone that my son joined the Army back in the day when everyone hated those rag-heads who all look alike.

Maybe I should have given up my image of demure, older lady and beat the man's ass. Then he could go home and tell his friends, if he had any, just how violent those Japs are.

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