Pick a Word Blog Hop

This is a stream of consciousness exercise. Please join in the fun, or not. If you join, don't feel like you must edit your post if you can help yourself, but visit other participants by taking their links and leave comments!

My word is chopped.

I picked this word out of the air, maybe because I was watching that Food Network show. Kids were competing, like 9 year-olds, using KNIVES! What the hell. Can someone say liability? I just saw a kid cut herself in the chopped kitchen. Am I over-reacting? Why do I choose a word which needs hyphenating and why do I choose words I don’t like to spell…like hyphenating. Sucks. And why did I even picked the word chopped anyway?

What can you do with this word except describe something that gets divided in two or more things, smaller things, smaller meaning lesser. Lesser meaning not more, so if I want more of something, now I have less because I chose to use the chopped and get lesser. Unless of course I keep all parts and glue them back together. My logic sucks, but as promised I have to post this shit, cuss words and all. This is embarrassing and I should never have decided to do this assignment.

Can I get something positive from this word chopped besides this chubby cute kid who just missed an opportunity to win 10 thousand dollars? Oh, yes! It’s the dessert round, now that’s freaking positive as hell. I’m getting another beer and watching this. Kids making dessert has to be better than my writing about the word chopped.

This is my stream of consciousness writing assignment. Please don’t judge me!

Join this linked assignment by adding your own stream of consciousness  work. Pick a word,, any word. Then write your post and share it here. Deadline has not been set yet, but if you spam this blog, you might get chopped!!




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Cooking Inspiration for Writing Horror

I don't understand why it is that every time I'm cooking something, whether for myself or for others, I get this sudden urge to sit down and write. It's the complete opposite from when I actually sit down in front of the computer, where I'm expected to write, and nothing comes to fruition in my tiny noggin.

I need to get these things off my chest because they're disturbing, these things which come to mind while I'm cooking.


Mixing Eggs

I think the same thing every time I poke egg yolks in a bowl and start whisking away at them with a fork. Drowning eyeballs blink back at me and brains scatter about the bowl screaming, "Noooo, please....!" And you know those bubbles that form when you've whisked away fast and furious? They balloon up and pop like in a cauldron of some witch's brew.

Seriously, this is what I see.

It's even more fascinating when you dump the mixture into a skillet waiting with a thin layer of piping hot oil. The fizzing and hissing, along with the bubbling, inspire me to write something horrific. It's excitingly violent.


Rolling Dough

I like the yeast dough, that stuff you have to let sit a while so that it puffs up nice and airy. I never understood all that making it bigger and airy. Aren't you just smashing out all that air when you punch and roll the dough? Duh.

Can you imagine
how this might end up if dough could punch back?

I don't do a lot of baking. Much of this I witness on the Food Network. Every time I see this rolling of dough, I get a sudden urge to write about my last mammogram experience. The mammogram is no joke. Get one every year if you can. Just don't look up into the mirror while your boob is smashed down to an eighth of an inch between two Plexiglass plates. You'll never look at rolling dough the same.


Pancakes on a Griddle

Anyone else addicted to watching pancakes form on a griddle? It's like I can't take my eyes off the holes. I try to count them as they appear. Things get overwhelming when they multiply exponentially, so I watch the batter dry instead. I find myself wanting to write about craters forming on the moon's surface and folks trying to escape while molten lava fills in on all sides until the tiny people are forced to jump into pits filling with fiery rage.

Looks like a flattened moon, doesn't it?

Then it's time to flip the pancake and the batter splats out the sides, just like I imagine a batch of lava spilling onto a flat surface. I should try red velvet pancakes next time.


Hot Dogs in a Microwave Oven

They always split at the tips, kind of like how a flower blooms, or a screaming alien. From the middle of each tip, the very first second, there go the ends. Boink. And they're steaming hot after 3 seconds. For some reason the middle of the dogs stay warm. I thought the microwave cooks from the inside out?

Painful, right? The creators of Alien
could have saved a lot of money using this image.

Hot dogs cooking in a microwave is the only activity which makes me think of human flesh and how it might blister and split when baked too long in the Florida sun. Skin cancer is no joke either. Stay out of the sun as much as you can, wear sun screen, and see your dermatologist annually.


Hamburgers on a Grill

A hamburger is supposed to be grilled on high heat. When done right, it gets that pink, bumpy texture everywhere and the bumps are surrounded by bloody streams   and this white solidifying  juice around the perimeter of the patty - always looks like a large canker sore to me. I know gross, right?

You're lying to yourself...
if you don't think this looks like some sort of STD.

****

So why does cooking reflect this imagery? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.



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Under Cover Waitress: Guest Post by Diane Carlisle: Working for Mom

I'm guest posting here today. Have a look and leave us some love!  =)

Under Cover Waitress: Guest Post by Diane Carlisle: Working for Mom: I am so pleased to have fellow blogger Diane Carlisle compose the post for today! When she says she worked for her mother, she does mean in...

My Protagonist Cooks For You

Today, Kelly Cooper, the protagonist of my future novel, Precinct 9, will share with you one of her favorite recipes.  

Kelly is a police sergeant caught up in the mining of data from various internet sites and producing information that draws similarities between two unrelated cold cases. Just as she begins to place the final pieces of the puzzle together to reveal a serial killer, she becomes engaged in a heated verbal altercation with her ex-boss over a scandal beyond her control. 

When the ex-boss is murdered and Kelly's gun goes missing, she is declared a person of interest and placed on administrative leave. The gloves are off. 

With a serial killer on the loose and her life on the line, Kelly must do everything she can to clear herself of any wrong-doing, and find a way to complete the puzzle, all while operating outside the limits of the law.

Take it away, Kelly!

While Diane figures out how I’ll piece together that puzzle, let us see if I can’t piece together for you,  this recipe of lightly crusted pork medallions. 

You will need the following ingredients:

1 roll of center cut pork tenderloin

½ cup of all-purpose flour

1 egg

Salt and pepper to taste

Cut the pork loin into equal slices about a half-inch thick. Salt and pepper them to your desired taste and soak them in egg batter for 10 minutes, then lightly dust them with flour. Let them set while you fire up the deep fryer.

Fry them at 375 degrees for exactly 5 minutes. Use whatever method you want to drain the excess fat. I put them on paper towels and let them set for a couple of minutes. 

A serving size is 3 medallions. Plate them with country fried potatoes and buttered asparagus. The recipe for the potatoes has to come from mother. She never shared that one. 

I hope you try this dish. It’s fantabulous! 

Now, I have a serial killer to find. Ah, a computer!

F Is For Food Network

Food Network, what would I do without you and why are you so addicting? I needed to take a break from writing about writing, so I’m writing about the chunk of time that I waste on my 2^nd favorite thing, the Food Network.

Seriously, aside from Fox News, it’s the only channel I watch anymore. After my daughter moved out, I had to contact Comcast and turn in a bunch of equipment and downgrade my plan. Why should I pay all that money when I only watch two channels? I don’t even watch The Weather Channel anymore because I have an app for that on my iPhone.

What I watch on The Food Network

Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives – Guy Fiere makes all the food look so tasty and inviting. With a pause, he holds up a freshly baked, broiled, or fried food concoction while looking at the camera. Eat it already! You know when he really likes something. The chef gets a couple of grunts and a fist bump. I think I know when he doesn’t really like something. He’ll make noises while eating, but then he’ll go and describe stuff like “crunch” and “kick” and “depth” – but, no fist bump. He could probably make a shit sandwich look good. He might say it had some “kick” and “depth” but probably not so much crunch.

Chopped – What do I love most about this show? The judges! They remind me of my boss from The City of Albany, GA. I had done something not so conventional and I remember trying to explain what I had been trying to do. She looked at me over the rim of her reading glasses. I felt very small because a lot of money was invested in the project – my time, months of work, etc. I understand better today. I also laugh at these judges. They’re so serious. It’s food!! You eat it, your body digests it, and then it comes back out. It’s all recyclable in a 24 hour period. Stop being such snobs. These chefs have passion for what they do. Chill, okay?

The Best Thing I Ever Ate – This is a fun show because you get to listen to all your favorite celebrity chefs talk about the foods they love that someone else made. Finally, right? We watch a whole week of you guys cooking and celebrating what YOU created. Yes, it looks great. We trust you when you sample a morsel and tell us how good it is. But, it’s refreshing to listen to your praises while celebrating someone else’s creation every now and again.

What I don’t watch

Cupcake Wars – I do get it. I understand what’s going on in this show. It’s a great concept. I can’t help but wonder why the judges aren’t fat. As much as they love cupcakes, you’d think they would be huge. Plus, I don’t like the French judge’s voice; it’s annoying. Zees cupcait eez lacking za vaneela I wuz expecting. It’s a cupcake! I can’t tell you the difference between any two cupcakes other than color and the decoration on top. A cupcake is a cupcake is a cupcake!

Sweet Genius – The host and judge of this show is creepy. The way they switch up the competition with inspirational additions is creepy. The show is just down right creepy. When the host announces a new additional ingredient, the camera captures his excitement, eyes bright, fingertips pressed together like he is waiting for his evil plan to unfold. I could write a suspense thriller spin off from this show. The antagonist is a secret. I bet you can’t guess who I have in mind.



Do you watch The Food Network? If so, which shows do you watch and which ones do you not watch and why? Are there better shows or worse shows on this channel?

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