16 April 2015

O is for Oxymoron

So everyone reading probably knows what an oxymoron is. It's like calling something two things which contradict each other like big baby, or virtual reality. I'm not sure who makes these things up, but stuff like jumbo shrimp I would think some restaurant made up because they wanted the menu to appear like you were getting more for the $12.95 advertised.

How are things naturally strange? As if strange is natural. It's not. Strange is strange, never natural. Kind of like something is growing smaller. If it's growing, there's only one direction, outward. That means away from the core. If it's movement is going inward, that's called shrinking.

How many of you wish we'd stop using these words to describe things? I feel a substantive void using them.

Here are some alternatives:

Big baby - whinier than normal. Just call them pains in the ass.

Virtual reality - simulator, period. Get rid of this stupid term.

Jumbo shrimp - 8 oz. as opposed to 4 oz., because shrimp is shrimp, only I think you keep more flavor when they are smaller. Less is more. Oh, shut up!

Now I'm going to get myself some free $1.00 coffee...





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