Building Relationships Through Communication

I hate that I've been away from my Blog friends out here, but I've been on vacation. It was a sweet vacation I spent with family, new friends, and other important people in my life, so eventually I knew I'd neglect this aspect of my world. But alas, I have some things to share: chat pics!

I decided that since my school work in communications has taken up so much of my time from 2014 to 2015, I'd compare and contrast a previous year of communication as evidenced by chats between me and my daughter, Chelsey.

No worries, I will soon share others from my son and late husband, Tim. However, their chats were not nearly as entertaining and revealing. :)

In a previous year, Chelsey wanted to piggy back off our minority status as Asians and so I put her in check. Then she put me in check.

She complained that I was too strict as a parent just before her 18th birthday when she wanted to get a tattoo and I wouldn't let her. We calmly worked it out.

She left her clothes lying around my house so that when I attempted to get dressed in the mornings, I would experience unnecessary trauma to my delicate and over-sensitive ego. Then she made me realize how ridiculous I was being.

She came through on just about every promise she ever made. Then, in her own way, she reminded me that she still has the upper hand in proving that I'm an over-protective, over-meddling, but very much loved mom. :D

She still makes me proud by letting me know we're still on the same page, even though I diluted that gene pool quite a bit. I'm kidding!!! It's a racist Asian joke.

If you haven't looked back to see how far you've come with your communication style, it's time to take note. There's always room for improvement. If you know me, you know I'm all about the progress!

Do you save your favorite text messages? Maybe you should start.



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The Immersion Excursion

Have you ever picked up a book and read it from front to back in one sitting? Those are the books you discover by surprise.

Maybe you've experienced a story written by an author you'd never heard of, or one who created a one hit wonder and never wrote another word. How sad. I've read a few myself and now I ponder what glued me to my seat long enough to read an entire story without a break, not even for a bite to eat.


Dialogue

One common element shared by the quick reads I've discovered are the dialogue sequences. They're not thrown together simply to provide white space, making the pages less daunting. I recall meaningful dialogue, the kind which delivers progress in character development and plot.

And remember, the importance of dialogue is as much about what is said as it is about what is not said.


Setting

The setting is another element which completely immerses me into a story. It must be vividly clear to me where I am while experiencing the story. Recall Middle-earth in Lord of the Rings, Hogwarts in the Harry Potter series, and the land of Oz in The Wizard of Oz. All unique worlds, very distinct and memorable.

Don't be afraid to share your world. It makes the difference in the reader feeling welcome. When a visitor comes to your house, do you give them a tour or do you confine them to one room?


The 8 senses

When I was in high school, there were only 5 senses we were taught in health education and those were: sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste. Today, we include the senses of time, space, and the unknown. I give examples of each in a post I shared back in 2011.

When you use this technique, I am so focused and entertained, I have no interest in being tantalized in the real world with seeing, tasting, smelling, or anything else. It's like magic to me because the words show me what I already know, therefore, I'm relating on a whole different level, entranced!

Detail in Descriptions

When I read something familiarly exquisite, I stick around. That means I feel comforted when I encounter the details of an item in a story such as a Sesame Seed Biscotti or French Vanilla flavored coffee. Don't be lazy. Share the details. 

The added details give me a sense that I belong where I am; therefore, I have no interest in moving away from the story. I'll keep going because the comfort level is more enticing than putting down the book to go and find something general and bland which I hadn't thought of just yet. 

I further share Dialogue, Detail, and Description in an earlier post.

Voice

This is an element I don't read about often, but I know what it is and what it does for me. Voice is something that is important when you read a lot of books. It will save time for the reader when they finally discover the one voice which speaks to them like Vincent Price reading "The Raven" by Edgar Allan Poe. The way he dramatizes the reciting of the poem could be likened to an author's use of words and choice of cadence in the structure of their sentences.

It's difficult to immerse myself to this length these days because I work full time. But, I remember the days of middle school summer when I blazed through tons of Harlequin romances and wondered where the time had gone. I miss those days. I could immerse myself into another world, and these were the very elements which invited me to stay.

So, what keeps you on the page and turning until the very end?

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Learning Natural Dialogue From Your Text Messages

My daughter and I had this conversation while text messaging last evening and it got me thinking about my characters and how I distinguish them from one another. If taken out of context, one could easily claim I am a bad mother for insinuating my daughter is a pig or a whale. Hello, Alec Baldwin.

However, this conversation takes place between two very confident women who are definitely comfortable in their own skin.

Knowing my daughter as well as I do, I can allow my own personality to surface while having this conversation. My daughter's personality is also very much present in the text dialogue, at least to me. The dancing lady and the bikini are on her mind these days because an upcoming pool party lurks around the corner and she is preparing to step out in her amazing new bathing suit!

If you're having problems distinguishing one character from another, or a critique partner has mentioned your characters are blurring together, my suggestion would be to spend some time texting with friends and family members and pay particular attention to each personality, including your own. Save your text messages and read back through them the next day.

To me, I think if you want to get down to natural dialogue, you should study your text messages. It is hard to recall conversations from memory, so texting is probably the best way to show the contrast between two personalities without all the fluff of trying to develop your characters, which can sometimes come across as a bit trite with dialogue.

I'll share another conversation between me and my daughter. We love to communicate via emoticons. You can't tell? Her favorite television show when she was nine years old was Pokemon, and we had learned the Team Rocket chant together.

When Tim was on his way home from Chicago, he had a layover in Charlotte, NC where he observed two very different types of people. These are actual conversations people have. Sure, it seems a bit racy, but it's natural dialogue, and that's why when readers see it in fiction, it resonates with that semblance of truth we're always discussing.

I drink Redbull! 

Young people knit, too! (but not many)

Yes, behaviors speak for themselves. Even my daughter understands Asians prefer rice over potatoes and we have higher I.Q.s than the average Neanderthal. It's not wrong to include this sort of dialogue in your fiction. It's truth. Sort of.

Not dialogue, but a form of communication. This is a picture of the form Tim filled out at Shands Hospital in Gainesville, FL. They have to expect this sort of thing from people. The form screams, "Please do it, please!"

 when you see it.

They should put "memory loss" as the first option so you don't have to waste your time filling out the rest if you don't want to.

Okay, back to conversations and dialogue. Texting doesn't always produce natural dialogue between son and mother. My son Cameron likes to abbreviate, and Lord knows you can't get away with that in your novel. You also don't have auto-correct issues, and hopefully you proof your writing before sending on to your editor?

In this next snap shot, pay particular attention to the dates and times. Notice I respond immediately to each inquiry and/or comment, so the last communication is a bit ironic.

That was texting between two people who have been married for 26 years. Go figure.

This is typical mother daughter discussion in my family. We own our stereotypes, good and bad, and we can laugh about them. It is natural.

Do your characters discuss fashion at all? I can tell you, a nineteen year old has different taste than someone two and half decades older. Natural dialogue should reflect those age differences.

My daughter and I had breakfast at Village Inn one day for lunch and when I woke up in the morning to go to work, this was the exchange we had.

I helped my son update his resume for a tech job. Can you tell which personality trait of his is demonstrated in this ongoing dialogue? 

Chelsey worked a late shift on a weekend, but she didn't get a chance to come over and pay her rent. Her personality sure does resonate in this exchange.

Chelsey had a minor fender bender and lost her side passenger mirror,  so we had to coordinate our busy schedules to get it fixed.

Saving text messages is just something I like to do. It seems to have replaced the urge to pick up a camera in order to capture moments in time. Instead of pictures, I capture dialogue. It has worked out as a great tool when fleshing out my favorite characters.

What tools do you use to ensure your characters stand out as individuals or keep them from bleeding into each other?

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Lucille Ball - The Day We Broke That Mould

I saw this photo circulating on Facebook today and it made me think about my marriage. Every character has their moments and Lucy certainly had hers. I loved that woman.

She is my character of the day because I've made her into another picture story on a few events which took place way back when. Thus, these photos capture the nature of my dilemma as it occurred.

Yes, all marriages, especially new ones, are chock full of potential pitfalls if you do not do this one thing which is necessary for any marriage to succeed, and that thing is called compromise. Even when you fight and your feelings are hurt, it's important not to make the other person the one who is always apologizing. You must, at times, concede you were half wrong.

Mistake number one I made was while at my girlfriend's house I mentioned this argument Tim and I had had and how furious I was with him, because now I was on the hook for giving daily updates. I think my words to her were along the line, "I'm sick of his shit. He's going to have to suck up to me." Okay, I was 20.

When Vicky's phone rang, she answered, and handed it to me, "It's Tim." She had this cheesy grin on her face and I took the receiver cautiously.

"Yes?" I could feel the tightness in my lips and the cold, harsh tone of my voice slapped at the silence which ensued.

"We need to talk."

My heart skipped and jumped into my throat. I knew at that moment, he wanted a divorce. "Really?"

"Yes. Can you meet me at the house during my lunch hour?"

"Sure," I'd said.

Our house was directly across from Vicky and Carlos' house, with about half the length of a football field in between. I walked home and waited for Tim to arrive.

When he did, I tried everything to calm myself, agonizing over the words sure to spill from his lips. But, before he could say anything, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, Tim! It's all my fault. I shouldn't have been such a sensitive child. Will you please forgive me?"

"Of course I will. I love you." Awww.

We made grilled cheese sandwiches together and tomato soup. Then he was off to work. Funny thing about my friend is she couldn't help herself, the nosy gawker. She probably watched out her kitchen window to see when Tim left the house. No sooner than he let himself out, my phone rang, "Girl, so tell me what happened!"

I had to let my girl know I stood strong. "You know, Tim's a good man, but I got him so wrapped around my little pinkie. He apologized, we snuggled a bit, and then he made me a hot, gourmet meal for lunch!"

"Oh, how sweet!" Vicky's voice fell away.

"Is that so?" I turned and it was Tim in the doorway, and from the fury in his face I could tell he'd obviously heard every word which had sprung from my juvenile pie hole.

"Um, I'll call you back later," I whispered into the phone at my dear friend, as if the whisper would wipe away any of my previous words. Then I quickly hung up the phone.

"I can explain," I offered Tim, but I had no idea what I could possibly say at that point. It just sounded better than saying nothing.

Tim turned for the door, opened it, and walked out. "Tim!" I called out but to no avail. I couldn't help but wonder why my friend couldn't have remained at her kitchen window long enough to see that Tim had obviously forgotten his keys and had made his way back to the front door. Fine friend she was, that one.

I tell you what. Talk about the groveling I had to do to make up for that one. I certainly learned my lesson and that was almost 27 years ago.

I can laugh about it now because when I think about Lucille Ball and Ricky Ricardo, I smile a little, knowing inside, there was one more couple to make before they broke that mould and that would be us.


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Retro Gaming Icons - Writing Prompt

The writing prompt for this month at Absolute Write is something I can definitely give a little twist to and still stay on topic.

Whatever your definition of retro, gaming, or icons, now is the time to get your classic game on. Super Mario, Shigeru Miyamoto, the Atari 2600, Tim Schafer, Baldur's Gate...any game or gaming-related icon is up for grabs! Or, if you like, invent your own! Entries may be of any genre so long as they are 1000 words or less.

Many years ago I was a key player in an online role-playing event which caused our guild's guild master to go missing. Her name was Katidyd and she was, in my eyes, an iconic symbol in the game of Threshold, a multi-player online role-playing game. I later discovered that she had left the game and her character was permanently retired.

I never really knew the OOC (Out of Character) reasoning for her permanent removal (I think it was to join the Aether). However, the event was an intensive in-character development and relied upon the coordination and respect of many other players.

I'm sharing the link to a page where I've compiled a more color friendly version of the log entries titled "Katidyd Disappears". It gets more interesting toward the end and everything I colored is system generated spam to indicate a spell or special character ability rather than dialogue or emotes controlled by players. I hope you enjoy.

Click on the picture to view the entire log!!

As you may guess from my forum name, I'm playing the male character Pyrosama. :)

Visit the other participants to see what they have to share for this topic!

Participants:
orion_mk3 -  (link to post)
Ralph Pines -  (link to post)
meowzbark -  (link to post)
Pyrosama - (you are HERE)
Anarchic Q -  (link to post)
AndreF -  (link to post)
MsLaylaCakes -  (link to post) [after 1/18]

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My favorite Timisms

When I think of dialogue, I always think about the snippets I post on Facebook where my husband and I exchange quips back and forth, Tim dishing the wittier throw backs, of course. In order for your characters to sound real, make sure that every word counts.

I've gone back through the past year and have compiled some of my favorites, and they're not all between me and Tim. Some involve exchanges with customer service representatives.

If you take a moment and record dialogue that you've had yourselves and re-read them, you can see the characters are there, in all their three dimensional selves.

I can give these snippets to any of my friends, minus the tags, and they can tell which is Tim and which is me just by the things we say and how we say them, what context. This is how dialogue should be in your fiction as well. Your characters should exude who they are through their actions and their dialogue.

These are complete accounts, word for word. I've added some actions to put things in perspective. I'm calling these Timisms.



September 17, 2012

Tim studies the connector and speaks into the phone, "I'm installing a dishwasher you delivered today and I need to purchase an adapter for the connector."

A Lowe's representative says, "Sir, you should hire a plumber to do that."

Tim raises an eyebrow, "Really? Should I also hire an electrician to plug it in?"

October 20, 2012

Diane reflects and says, "I think a lot of my women friends think you're hot."

"Really? Why do you think that is?"

"Because I think they see you as the strong, silent type."

Tim takes two more swallows from his can of Miller Lite, "Because I know to keep my mouth shut around your friends."

November 8, 2012

Tim uses my phone to call Verizon, "I lost my phone."

"Are you calling from that number now, sir?"

After a brief silence and a puzzled glance at my phone, "No, I can't call from it. It's lost."

Tim becomes frustrated and hangs up. He then vigorously searches for his phone and decides he will suspend service after he has one more beer.

Tim finds his phone in the refrigerator on top of the twelve pack of Miller Lite he purchased earlier.

Tim's newly recovered phone rings and he answers it, "Hello?"

It's Verizon wanting him to take a customer satisfaction survey based on his recent call about his missing phone.

March 30, 2013

After two months being on a strict budget, Tim says, "I refuse to live as if we're poor."

Diane gives in, "Okay. So, what would you like to do today?"

Tim, finally having taken the lead, "Let's pack a cooler of beer and go to the flea market."

May 27, 2013

While standing in the center of the vanity, Diane decides not to curl her hair, "Does my hair look okay straight?"

"Looks Great." Tim steps in beside her and looks at himself in the mirror, "Does mine look okay almost gone?"

October 30, 2013

Diane isn't great at doling out compliments, but she finally succeeds, "I love you so much, and I know I wouldn't be the woman I am today if it weren't for you."

Tim continues to hammer nails into the baseboard, "Hey, don't blame that shit on me."

Do you have favorite real life snippets of dialogue to share? Share them in the comments!