07 July 2013

Are You Googling That? My Character of the Day

So, I'm next in line at Walmart, placing my groceries on the conveyor belt while the bagger and cashier are having a conversation. After I place the last item on the moving piece of rubber, I look toward the automatic glass doors and notice the sky churning out a few ominous looking clouds.

This worries me, because we're planning to take the boat out on the river, and showers are not welcome. I pull out my iPhone and check the new weather radar app I downloaded last weekend (it will eventually become a favorite iPhone app).

The bagger stops bagging my things and says, "Are you Googling that?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you Googling that?"

"Googling what?"

The cashier chimes in, "Are you Googling dark chocolate versus white chocolate?" A look of anticipation flickers across her face, eyes stabbing me with more urgency than when my husband prods me for sex.

"Why would I be Googling that?"

I ask this because I cannot fathom why dark chocolate versus white chocolate would suddenly pop into my head, and I am even more perplexed by the thought that the Walmart staff would know precisely the moment this thought occurred. Like, really?

They both start to talk, but then the cashier finishes, "We were just talking about how dark chocolate is healthier for you than white chocolate." She holds up a chocolate covered pretzel as evidence, and in one swoop, pops it into her mouth.

I'm stunned. Was I involved in this conversation and not aware? Did the bagger and cashier at some point invite me into their conversation and perform some ritual which has now rendered me void of any memory of said conversation?

I pull out my debit card to pay for my items. Then I offer my input, "No, I'm not Googling anything. However, if you eat enough of either of those types of chocolates, you'll get fat, and that comes along with so many health problems like type II Diabetes, gallstones, coronary artery disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and sleep apnea."

They both look at me and there's this long, silent pause. It was like I'd just come out of a trance, with the cashier mid-bite into a pretzel and the bagger with one hand in a plastic Walmart bag.

Something niggles at me and I realize both ladies are obese.

Note: Characters of the Day on this blog are inspired by true happenings. I've withheld names to obscure the identities of the stupid people so that I don't get sued in some stupid manner which our government deems a viable path to redemption for stupid people.

If you believe you're one of the stupid people mentioned in this blog, I pray that you run for government some day and win, so that you may repair your stupidity through the process of empowerment, which will give you a voice we all pretend to admire in hopes we don't "ourselves" become stupid people.

I love you, Blog-o-sphere!!

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