24 June 2016

The Mudslide and the Hemingway App

I used the Hemingway App to proof this piece for passive voice and clarity. Great tool now that Microsoft removed their passive voice feature from Word 2016.

The Mudslide

I was sick last year with the flu. I ran a fever which I can’t tell you how high because I’d given up on looking for a thermometer. I slept on the sofa the evening my fever broke, and I dreamed something frightening. I experienced a mudslide.

This was no ordinary mudslide like the countless ones you might see on the evening news. It did not contain debris like collapsed houses, uprooted trees and power lines. It was smooth and dark, like a giant Tootsie roll. Don’t laugh, because that’s not what I would call frightening.

It all started while I was at some resort, by myself. It was a couples resort and I was there alone and something did not feel right. The ambiance was off. The aftermath of a disaster appeared before me and it was calm, like the eye of a storm. Everybody stood around and looked relieved as if they’d just escaped death!

People smiled at me, their eyes lit up as if giving thanks for my presence. And then this man motioned for me to climb out of this pit. He lifted the net which covered the opening of the pit. I reached for his hand and tried to climb out, but my shoe lace got tangled up in the net. At this point, the net came alive and climbed up my leg to snatch me away.

Terrifying screams sprang from all directions as the man pulled me from the pit. He grabbed a knife from a sleeve on his hip and sliced the net away from my laces. With a violent hiss, the pit sucked the net in like a vacuum cleaner consuming a hair ball.

Leave a comment and let me know what you think of this piece and if you believe the Hemingway App would be useful to you. Try it here.

I won't show you the original, it was horrendous. :) I changed my mind. Look at the photo just above.

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