Creepy Elf on the Shelf - Don't Do This!!

This is not a rant. I only have a few words to share. It's about this elf on the shelf motif used to get children involved in the spirit of Christmas. You know, the idea that Santa Claus is watching them so they better be good or else they won't get any presents? Yeah, that elf is a spy.

Some responsible parents like to get creative and spice it up here and there to keep there kids excited. I can imagine the awe in children as they discover the family elf has met a new friend and invited them over. Or maybe the family elf has decided to explore other areas of the home. After all, staying on the shelf in one position is just boring. This isn't an option in a family home where the parents are far from boring people, right? We can't have that!

Creative and well intentioned trends start off as simple competitions. I get that. But social media will be there to taunt folks into stepping it up a notch. Then we run into some serious issues. And you wonder why your millennial needs therapy.

Here are my ten inappropriate elf on the shelf displays and the reasons why I think they are inappropriate.

You think you're clever now, but one day they will be old enough to watch American Pie and they will never visit you again during the Christmas holidays. The grand kids will be off limits.

You would be better off to have the family elf kill off a giant stuffed spider or some other creepy victim. Never Elmo or any Sesame Street character for that matter. This is absolutely inappropriate. 

You know there is absolutely nothing wrong with this display, except for the fact that the family elf is capturing the scene for his own sick pleasure, further teaching your children that the objectification of young girls is okay. So inappropriate!

After the last three displays I shared, do you see how this is inappropriate?  

The family elf teams up with the infamous bad boy, Chucky. Together, they encourage children to commit cannibalism. Yes, Frosty the snowman came alive you ignoramus!

And you wonder why your kids seem to think everything belongs in the toilet. This, exactly this. Congratulations.

Suddenly little Johnny has stopped brushing his teeth? You don't say! Now he's a teenager and smells like shit all the time. You know they learn poor hygiene somewhere, right? Gee, I wonder where.

I'm all for encouraging kids to earn an allowance so they can buy themselves the things they want. But the family elf is sitting on a jar of baby food, so I think the kids are a little young for parents to start indoctrinating them into this sordid thing. They need to be old enough to actually work for their allowance, don't you think?

How to be Classy 101. Because a wine glass is commonly displayed with a roll of toilet paper and a can of Glade air freshener. The kid who grows up in this household is going to be a true romantic, I can almost guarantee it. 

Because breaking the law is so inappropriate. I don't know that this household has any children in it, but I'm guessing they didn't just go out and purchase a Barbie doll because this was just such a cool idea they had to spend upwards of $30.00 for that perfect display. No, they have children. And yes, this is inappropriate.

If you don't want to traumatize your kids, now or in the future, stay away from inappropriate displays with your family elf! Yes, kids are resilient. But they have memories like you wouldn't believe.

Do any of you have a favorite elf on the shelf display? Please share them in the comments below. I won't get onto you if it's inappropriate. There are no small children out here in the Blogosphere! 👀



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Successes and Failures: Feedback From 2015

Last year I mapped out the 10 Goals and Objectives for 2015. Here are the results of those:


Start Graduate School 

I started my first class on January 12, 2015 and I have 3 more classes to complete my Masters in Communications. I will finish this Summer.


Advance My Career 

I feel like I’m getting much more exposure to the tasks which build upon my skills, so consider this a huge advancement. It helps to let your boss know what your expectations are, even if it is to advance into another field. We can’t all stay rooted in the technical trenches forever.


Outline My Memoir 

I’ve decided I’m not as interesting as I would need to be in order to produce a successful memoir. Therefore, I’m working on becoming more interesting first. We’ll leave this one alone for now. I hope I don't scare off too many people.


Attend a Writing Retreat 

Where the hell did I think I was going to find the time to do this? FAIL.


Attend the Tallahassee Writers Association Conference 

Loved it! Had a blast and plan to attend next year as well.


Attend the Florida Writers Association Conference 

I couldn't attend because it conflicted with travel and prep work for the Marine Corps Marathon in D.C.


Get Back Into Yoga 

Consider this a success because I did get back into Yoga, just didn’t stay consistently going every Sunday. I have other things to do on Sundays. But now that they switched it to Saturdays, I have no more excuses. Oh, wait. School just started back after the holidays!


Take Gourmet Cooking Classes 

I didn't realize how much the classes were and I didn't have anyone to go with me on the days I checked on. Then I realized that I could spend the same amount of money experimenting in my own home and I don’t have to waste the gas to drive all the way out to Publix. Did I mention I also found a nice man willing to sample the surprises I concoct? Sweet!


Finish My GeekSsentials Website

I finished the design only. Now I just have to get some content together. Isn’t this the same problem I have had with doing websites for others? I always complained that they never give me any content. Well, look at me now.


Institute Mom's Night Out 

It never works out as planned. I think spontaneity is better. Just don't pop in on me while I'm cooking up a surprise. You might walk into a disaster area!


Well now, I'm not going to ask you to embarrass yourself by sharing your failed New Year Goals from 2015. Wait, yes I am.

So, spill it! Any failures you want to share?






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Z is for Zealot

I feel so stupid for choosing this word. At this very moment, I wonder what the hell was going through my mind when I decided to use zealot in any stream of consciousness exercise. Oh wait, because nobody offered a Z word that I could use instead!

I'm not a zealot about anything. I'm not religious or politically fanatical. I don't even have a favorite candidate running in 2016. I'm not to the point where I want to vote for a woman to take the highest office of Presidency in our United States of America just because she's a woman, or because people think since we gave that opportunity to a black man already, it's now the woman's turn. That's just stupid.

[snipped like 3 pages of stuff that might have gotten me fired, arrested by the secret service, or mobbed in the middle of the night by Hillary sympathizers]

You know what? I just realized I'm probably a zealot and it's not something I should be publishing. :)

I thank you all for putting up with my A-Z Challenge and I've enjoyed the experience. This has been a great exercise for me, freeing my mind and allowing me to share what's been in my heart during some pretty dark moments. Thanks for hanging in there with me. You all rock! I am forever blessed to have you as my sounding board.


My List
Aging (and Apples)
Barnacle
Creativity
Destiny 
Ego 
Forgiveness 
Grace
Haters
IHOP 
Jealousy 
Kindness 
Lesbian 
Magnanimous 
Nostalgia
Oxymoron 
Pizza 
Questions 
Resource 
Serendipity 
Technology 
Undergraduate
Virgin 
Writing
XXX 
Yoga 

Zealot - You are here

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Y is for Yoga

I picked yoga as one of the topics on my list this year because it's one thing I decided I would stick to as part of my Sunday routine. I even went out and bought a Beginning Yoga DVD, a yoga mat and block, some yoga workout clothing, and an audio CD with sounds of soothing chimes and wind-instrument background compilations. I'm ready!

But I like going to the gym, so I haven't used my DVD or the CD. The yoga instructor at the YMCA provides all that. I also don't wear my yoga workout clothing because I think I would look silly wearing all that legit stuff while in a beginning yoga class. Who am I kidding right? I don't deserve to wear all that cool gear. At least not yet. I'll wait until I've mastered the Tree Stance with the grace of Aphrodite.

So this leaves the yoga mat and block. I could use the ones provided by the gym, but I have to put myself at least one notch over the newbies who never been before. After all, I have done this once or twice. I just haven't gone every Sunday. I've been busy writing papers and compiling presentations, so I had an excuse. And then I was out of town the once, and last week was the writers conference.

I think I'm starting to see a pattern here.


My List
Aging (and Apples)
Barnacle
Creativity
Destiny 
Ego 
Forgiveness 
Grace
Haters
IHOP 
Jealousy 
Kindness 
Lesbian 
Magnanimous 
Nostalgia
Oxymoron 
Pizza 
Questions 
Resource 
Serendipity 
Technology 
Undergraduate
Virgin 
Writing
XXX 
Yoga  - You are HERE

Zealot 

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X is for XXX

I'm not sure why XXX is on my list. I think when I picked it I had been thinking about X-Mart, that novelty store where people go to buy gag gifts and stuff. What, you don't buy gag gifts there?

I just remember Tim and I going there one day to buy gifts for my all girls game night several years ago. I still feel this apprehension recalling that day. It was the creepiest place to be, all these video packages of naked folks on the covers. And there was this black, leather swing with all kinds of holes in it. I wasn't going to ask, but yeah. It was a good thing we were the only folks in the store shopping (for gag gifts, did I say that already?)

Then I said to Tim, "Oh my God! What if I round the corner and run into my boss? And with all these naked photos all around us! What would I say?"

"You could always ask him what he's doing here. Maybe he's buying a gag gift?"


My List
Aging (and Apples)
Barnacle
Creativity
Destiny 
Ego 
Forgiveness 
Grace
Haters
IHOP 
Jealousy 
Kindness 
Lesbian 
Magnanimous 
Nostalgia
Oxymoron 
Pizza 
Questions 
Resource 
Serendipity 
Technology 
Undergraduate
Virgin 
Writing
XXX  - You are HERE
Yoga 

Zealot 

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W is for Writing

Writing is one word I just had to include on this list because almost all of you are writers. What better way to celebrate the things we have in common than to write about writing, and the fact that I attended the 2015 TWA Writers Conference and Book Fair this weekend. I ran into folks I haven't seen in such a long time and did I miss everyone so much. I think some I even haven't seen since Tim began treatments well over a year ago. Dang, time flies.

So, back to writing!

I'm going back and forth between my A to Z Challenge stream of consciousness writings and my scholastic responsibilities in pumping out graduate level papers. This stretch is the weirdest thing for me. It's hard to write in my own tongue and then revert back to my scholarly voice. I can tell you one thing, it sure keeps my brain pumping! Just imagine letting go and writing whatever comes to mind, then when you have to sit down and analyze why Healthcare.gov wasn't a complete failure, you begin to wonder where your senses went.

Writing. It can be a blessing if you use it. Keep at it, just so I have stuff to read, too!



My List
Aging (and Apples)
Barnacle
Creativity
Destiny 
Ego 
Forgiveness 
Grace
Haters
IHOP 
Jealousy 
Kindness 
Lesbian 
Magnanimous 
Nostalgia
Oxymoron 
Pizza 
Questions 
Resource 
Serendipity 
Technology 
Undergraduate
Virgin 
Writing - You are HERE
XXX 
Yoga 

Zealot 

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V is for Virgin

This makes me think of those innocent words, "I'm saving myself for after I'm married."

I don't know who picked this word, because it definitely didn't come from me. I think "virgin" is so old school that in today's society it might be reduced to "newbie" and I'm sorry.

That's me thinking out loud. Actually, that's me writing stream of consciousness. I can't take that back. I can, but I won't. Newbie isn't as positive as virgin, but it sort of has the same connotation. Unworldly, lacking experience, needing to be shown the ropes. This is all very disconcerting to me, but I can't seem to shut up. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? In other words, virginity isn't as valued as once before, but neither is marriage. So what happened?

I think there were just too many girls discovering that sex was more powerful than virtue. With sex, they could get guys to do what they want, when they want. The girl had the power between her legs. But, will she have the power of persuading him to walk down that aisle? Am I being too cynical?


My List
Aging (and Apples)
Barnacle
Creativity
Destiny 
Ego 
Forgiveness 
Grace
Haters
IHOP 
Jealousy 
Kindness 
Lesbian 
Magnanimous 
Nostalgia
Oxymoron 
Pizza 
Questions 
Resource 
Serendipity 
Technology 
Undergraduate
Virgin  - You are HERE
Writing
XXX 
Yoga 

Zealot 

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U is for Undergraduate

I'm ashamed to say I was an undergraduate for almost 12 years. Twelve! It's difficult to build residency at a college when you are moving every 3 years. As a supporter of Tim's career in the Marine Corps, I followed him from one military base to another.

So what is an undergraduate degree if not just a piece of paper? It's the proof of dedication to a challenge by some institution holding you to a standard completely foreign to anyone hunting and pecking to find meaning in life.

Where once I was an undergraduate with the passion to do things the right way, I am quickly discovering the right way can't happen because the majority of folks around do not subscribe to best practices. They subscribe to get it done and out the door, off my desk, or in the closet and through the cracks. What's a girl to do?


My List
Aging (and Apples)
Barnacle
Creativity
Destiny 
Ego 
Forgiveness 
Grace
Haters
IHOP 
Jealousy 
Kindness 
Lesbian 
Magnanimous 
Nostalgia
Oxymoron 
Pizza 
Questions 
Resource 
Serendipity 
Technology 
Undergraduate - You are HERE
Virgin 
Writing
XXX 
Yoga 

Zealot 

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T is for Technology

There are so many articles at this blog which I've tagged with "technology" and when I look back I feel badly, because I realize now that my frustrations are not with technology itself. It's more with the way the people around me deal with technology because of their perceptions of how technology "controls" the things and people around them.

It begs to be asked though. At what age should technology NOT be influenced by children? Okay, so who plays with Transformers and thought it would be cool to have a camera morph into CheeseTron? Gah! Maybe changing careers wouldn't be such a bad thing...

My List
Aging (and Apples)
Barnacle
Creativity
Destiny 
Ego 
Forgiveness 
Grace
Haters
IHOP 
Jealousy 
Kindness 
Lesbian 
Magnanimous 
Nostalgia
Oxymoron 
Pizza 
Questions 
Resource 
Serendipity 
Technology  - You are HERE
Undergraduate
Virgin 
Writing
XXX 
Yoga 

Zealot 

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S is for Serendipity

This is what happens to me whenever I give up on things I consider too much squeeze for what little juice I get.

It's only while in the pursuit of the things I desire that I become disheartened when I am defeated. And yet, when I stop the pursuit, all kinds of things find me. Great things!

I told someone just last week that I always seem to get the things I want, and I believe this is because if I don't get something, I stop wanting it. How convenient you say? For me, yes.

Ultimately it is the power of positive thinking which brings the positive things into your life.

My food for thought today? Stop chasing. Instead, take in the view. Enjoy life and all the treasures it can bring to you. Don't expect anything, and everything positive will be a surprise for which your happy ass never had to expend one drop of energy, negative or otherwise.

My List
Aging (and Apples)
Barnacle
Creativity
Destiny 
Ego 
Forgiveness 
Grace
Haters
IHOP 
Jealousy 
Kindness 
Lesbian 
Magnanimous 
Nostalgia
Oxymoron 
Pizza 
Questions 
Resource 
Serendipity  - You are HERE
Technology 
Undergraduate
Virgin 
Writing
XXX 
Yoga 

Zealot 

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R is for Resource

If you have them, use them! There's one thing I hate more than anything EVER, is the lack of initiative in utilizing your resources. Do you know someone who delivers great presentations and you have to do one yourself but you're not that great? ASK!! The person who delivers great presentations would probably love to help you out.

The sign of a great leader is someone who knows their resources, or cares to discover them. Don't just sit around hoping the cream of the crop will float by your office one day. Get out and talk to people and find out what they enjoy. What's their passion? Let them shine for you!

I sound like a CEO with a vision you say? Hmmm. Food for thought. :)

My List
Aging (and Apples)
Barnacle
Creativity
Destiny 
Ego 
Forgiveness 
Grace
Haters
IHOP 
Jealousy 
Kindness 
Lesbian 
Magnanimous 
Nostalgia
Oxymoron 
Pizza 
Questions 
Resource  - You are HERE
Serendipity 
Technology 
Undergraduate
Virgin 
Writing
XXX 
Yoga 

Zealot 

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Q is for Questions

If you have kids you understand they ask questions when they get old enough to talk and observe how people respond to one another. They ask questions like, "Why?" and "How come?" and it is enough to drive a parent nuts. And then when you try to explain important concepts like God or Santa Claus, those things they can't see or experience first hand, it gets more complicated. And let's not discuss the impostors in Santa suits, that's kind of putting a spin on things, because now you have some explaining to do, like why Santa is here at the mall when we just saw him at the other store.

Kids aren't stupid. They ask questions to make sense of the things we throw at them and their questions become more complex and require you to communicate on a level for which you might not be prepared. But kids are curious and questions should never be discouraged, even as the kids grow older.

Even today, my daughter still asks questions about things she thinks I might know about or have experienced before and it makes me feel all sage-like to be able to answer and maybe tell a story or two as it prompts me.

I've run into a few people who cannot stand to answer questions and feel that it is above them "to feed the ignorant." They'll say things like, "I had to figure it out on my own, so let them dig around for the answers themselves." But, I think people would change their attitudes if they had to imagine responding to their own child.

Can you imagine that?

"Hey mom, have you ever smoked pot? What did it do? Does it really impair your judgement?"

Unfit mother says, "Go figure it out for yourself, son. Let me know what you find out."


My List
Aging (and Apples)
Barnacle
Creativity
Destiny 
Ego 
Forgiveness 
Grace
Haters
IHOP 
Jealousy 
Kindness 
Lesbian 
Magnanimous 
Nostalgia
Oxymoron 
Pizza 
Questions  - You are HERE
Resource 
Serendipity 
Technology 
Undergraduate
Virgin 
Writing
XXX 
Yoga 

Zealot 

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P is for Pizza

When I look back on my life to find something consistent, it always points to my love of pizza. The only thing which has changed is what KIND do I love. This pizza topic makes me think of my wonder years in middle school. My love of pizza developed before I began my spiral into anorexia, but it came back with a vengeance.

I was obsessed with the rectangle, cafeteria pizza. If I got an allowance like other kids, I would have paid for an extra piece of that heavenly cheese slathered dough served each Friday in our lunchroom. Instead, I got my allowance on Saturday (after the fact) and it was just enough to pay for a bottle of Boone's Farm Country Quencher or Strawberry Hill, and by Friday I was all out of cash. I soon out grew the cafeteria pizza.

Then it was the Skate World single slice for $.50. You only burned your chin once or twice pulling the entire cheese coating off the top. You just stop ordering it because your crush was close by, playing Pac Man. The risk was too much. He might witness the clumsy display when he looks up during level intermission.

And then my all time favorite, still today. The Pizza Hut pan pizza. Tim would take me out on a Saturday evening when we started dating. I would order a medium pepperoni pan pizza, eat all but two slices, and order a small supreme "to go" so that I had something to snack on during Saturday Night Live.

I don't think pizza will ever get old for me.

What's your favorite pizza brand?



My List
Aging (and Apples)
Barnacle
Creativity
Destiny 
Ego 
Forgiveness 
Grace
Haters
IHOP 
Jealousy 
Kindness 
Lesbian 
Magnanimous 
Nostalgia
Oxymoron 
Pizza  - You are HERE
Questions 
Resource 
Serendipity 
Technology 
Undergraduate
Virgin 
Writing
XXX 
Yoga 

Zealot 

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O is for Oxymoron

So everyone reading probably knows what an oxymoron is. It's like calling something two things which contradict each other like big baby, or virtual reality. I'm not sure who makes these things up, but stuff like jumbo shrimp I would think some restaurant made up because they wanted the menu to appear like you were getting more for the $12.95 advertised.

How are things naturally strange? As if strange is natural. It's not. Strange is strange, never natural. Kind of like something is growing smaller. If it's growing, there's only one direction, outward. That means away from the core. If it's movement is going inward, that's called shrinking.

How many of you wish we'd stop using these words to describe things? I feel a substantive void using them.

Here are some alternatives:

Big baby - whinier than normal. Just call them pains in the ass.

Virtual reality - simulator, period. Get rid of this stupid term.

Jumbo shrimp - 8 oz. as opposed to 4 oz., because shrimp is shrimp, only I think you keep more flavor when they are smaller. Less is more. Oh, shut up!

Now I'm going to get myself some free $1.00 coffee...

My List
Aging (and Apples)
Barnacle
Creativity
Destiny 
Ego 
Forgiveness 
Grace
Haters
IHOP 
Jealousy 
Kindness 
Lesbian 
Magnanimous 
Nostalgia
Oxymoron  - You are HERE
Pizza 
Questions 
Resource 
Serendipity 
Technology 
Undergraduate
Virgin 
Writing
XXX 
Yoga 

Zealot 

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N is for Nostalgia

I feel it every now and then, that feeling that creeps up and you can't quite put your finger on it. You immediately think of a distant memory and there it is! That warm feeling inside which evokes a sadness some people call nostalgia, or maybe you call it homesickness, a longing for something in the past, happier times. But let's not go there!

There's nothing wrong with happy memories, they're great. It's what keeps us moving forward on a foundation that is unbreakable. It's why we raise our children to become independent and productive members of society. We want them to think of us when they finally spread their wings and fly off to populate the world with their own contributions to the evolution of mankind.

Yes, this is deep stuff. It's deep because this is stream of consciousness writing and you can't tell yourself what not to write, it just spills out like something got caught in the commode and it's overflowing and you don't have a plunger close by to stop it. You just hope something ugly doesn't come bubbling up. So I will stop. Deep went to odd very quickly here. Awkward!

My List
Aging (and Apples)
Barnacle
Creativity
Destiny 
Ego 
Forgiveness 
Grace
Haters
IHOP 
Jealousy 
Kindness 
Lesbian 
Magnanimous 
Nostalgia - You are HERE
Oxymoron 
Pizza 
Questions 
Resource 
Serendipity 
Technology 
Undergraduate
Virgin 
Writing
XXX 
Yoga 

Zealot 

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M if for Magnanimous

Magnanimous is a big word! I never use it, but it's certainly worth noting because it makes me think of people who are larger than life. Mother Teresa is one such person. Because there are no words that can fully describe how magnanimous she really was, I have compiled some quotes which she lived by.

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.

Let us touch the dying, the poor, the lonely and the unwanted according to the graces we have received and let us not be ashamed or slow to do the humble work.

When a poor person dies of hunger, it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her. It has happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed. 

Before you speak, it is necessary for you to listen, for God speaks in the silence of the heart.

And that is truly beautiful! I'm not one to preach, but I surely am one who wishes I were as magnanimous as she was. I know of no other person who comes to mind with this word. Not at the moment. Do you?


My List
Aging (and Apples)
Barnacle
Creativity
Destiny 
Ego 
Forgiveness 
Grace
Haters
IHOP 
Jealousy 
Kindness 
Lesbian 
Magnanimous  - You are HERE
Nostalgia
Oxymoron 
Pizza 
Questions 
Resource 
Serendipity 
Technology 
Undergraduate
Virgin 
Writing
XXX 
Yoga 

Zealot 

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