There Was A Spider In My Car

I'm not certain how many of you are aware of my fear of spiders. This fear is plenty greater than my fear of death, and from what happened today, I've come to realize that phobias cannot be defeated with rational calm logic. I know this. It's a fact. Don't lecture me either. Not after I'd tried to put on a brave front. I really did!

Driving in your car doing 60 miles per hour is not the place to encounter things which freak you out, but there it was. It emerged from the bottom shadow of the speedometer. Though it wasn't a huge spider, it was large enough its sudden movement caught my eye. First instinct was to release the stirring wheel because my hands were the closest to it. I couldn't do it. I knew the minute I moved, that sucker would jump on me and I'd have a heart attack, taking out the two cars beside me and the one in back.

I remained calm though. I knew I could handle this situation like an adult. I just needed to find something I could use to kill it. As messy as my car had been, I couldn't even find one napkin. But I did find a plastic straw sticking out of a Styrofoam cup. Perfect!

I reached over and pulled the straw out of the plastic lid. The spider had crouched up against the casing of the speedometer, but I could see his entire brown body against the black panel of my dashboard. I darted my eyes back to my windshield to monitor the traffic. More as a gauge to determine the most opportune moment to stab at and impale the spider. At least that was my intention. But I overestimated the size of the thing.

I have to give myself credit though. I was a great aim! I managed to encase the entire spider safely within the opening of the clear plastic tube just long enough to register it was darting up and skittering quickly toward the other end, the end I was still holding on to! I managed to fling the straw away but not before blaring horns and screeching tires told me I'd completely lost control of my car.

I pulled over to the side of the road and sprung from my car, wiping my arms really hard, trying to brush away the creepy feeling that had washed over me. Another honk. Fuck off! People are so insensitive.

I'm telling you. You cannot cure phobias! You cannot suppress these fears. They live in your genes. Can you even comprehend this?

GAH! I'm getting the creeps just writing about it!

Do you have a phobia? Please share so I don't feel like such a basket-case.


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The State of Florida vs. George Zimmerman - Awaiting a Verdict

I have a heavy heart this evening. I don’t usually speak out on matters in the media because to me it’s just fodder for attention whores and that’s not what my blog is about. I blog about making progress, whether with my own writing (mainly it’s about my writing), or about personal growth within my own family, or even about progress at work in my field of technology.

My heart is heavy today because I’m thinking about the progress of the country I love, The United States of America. When growing up, I didn’t notice so much division. Maybe I was too young to understand the “us” versus “them” concept. We all said the pledge of allegiance and it wasn’t a big deal. Maybe they tried harder to shield us from this division or maybe the division wasn't as powerful as it is today. I don’t know.

It just seems there is more division than there ever was and I’m trying to comprehend where it is coming from, because we on the bottom level, the ordinary people, are trying to make sense of ground zero, wanting to survive.

Now my concerns:

As the jury deliberates today in the case of The State of Florida versus George Zimmerman, I am saddened. I'm not saddened for George Zimmerman or the fact that a life is lost; I've become immune to it over the months.

What saddens me is when these six jurors come out of their sequestered world and deliver a verdict, their lives will be forever changed, and our country will be transformed shortly thereafter. Why?

1. Racial inequality and politics

Though I believe our country has moved forward in civil rights issues, I don't believe that the media and government have accepted this fact. If they accept the forward progress, then they would have to find another means to cause civil unrest so that there may be this need for intervention, thus more government and more bureaucracy. I have faith in the people in our country and in all our diversity. It's the media and politics which caused this to play out for the world to see.

2. A mother's love

How wonderful to put all women on this jury! I'm not knocking an all-woman jury. However, think about it. Their hearts go out to Trayvon's mother, for the death of her son. What mother wouldn't relate? Their hearts go out to Zimmerman's mother, for the potential conviction of her son and 30 years in prison. What mother wouldn't relate? These jurors have a tough job, and I will be thinking of them and the pain they will endure attempting to reconcile this huge mess of a case. Whatever their decision, the world is watching, with scrutiny, and it's just not fair for them to bare this burden on their own. I'm behind them with whatever decision they come to, and I feel for them.

3. The second Amendment right to bear arms

This verdict will change how we deal with the Constitutional right to bear arms. Why? Because, bearing arms has restrictions as it is. We must abide by certain laws before we are able to obtain, carry, and utilize firearms. Better yet, we are required to provide fingerprints, photo identification, and certification of training, before permits are granted for "carry conceal" licenses. Any person who acquires and intends to utilize a firearm without abiding by these rules is breaking the law and has a total disregard for the right to do so.

So, how do we protect ourselves and others without putting ourselves in the same class as those who have a total disregard for human life and the law? We do the right thing. That's not good enough though, because there is room for error, which the law does not provide a definitive clause. We act first, and then are judged later.

Now that I've listed the things which sadden me, let me share with you my biggest fear.

If this is a case decided by defining the perception of "death or grievous bodily harm" we are in trouble. Today, with violent crimes reported in our media, more people are becoming legally armed, many with "conceal carry" permits. If I'm a licensed carrier, will I need to change my perception in the future? Do I need to change my perception of imminent death or serious bodily harm before I utilize my legally purchased and licensed firearm for its intended purpose? Is it even humanly possible to do that during a time of high stress and fear?

If a woman is being raped, does she now leave her firearm cradled in its holster because she doesn’t believe that penetration of her vagina and lacerations from the friction are more severe than a fractured nose and lacerations to her head?

This is serious. I hope I never have to be in a position to place a verdict on anyone, but worse than that, I hope I never have to carry out justice while leading from behind because certain people in positions of authority just couldn't stand up and say enough is enough.

My heart goes out to the Trayvon family AND the Zimmerman family. I just hope we can fix things so this tragedy doesn't happen again, because it IS a tragedy, and a misuse of justice. What I'd like to see is both families come together in a fight to prevent these types of tragedies in the future. We can't heal from this if that doesn't happen.