Creepy Elf on the Shelf - Don't Do This!!

This is not a rant. I only have a few words to share. It's about this elf on the shelf motif used to get children involved in the spirit of Christmas. You know, the idea that Santa Claus is watching them so they better be good or else they won't get any presents? Yeah, that elf is a spy.

Some responsible parents like to get creative and spice it up here and there to keep there kids excited. I can imagine the awe in children as they discover the family elf has met a new friend and invited them over. Or maybe the family elf has decided to explore other areas of the home. After all, staying on the shelf in one position is just boring. This isn't an option in a family home where the parents are far from boring people, right? We can't have that!

Creative and well intentioned trends start off as simple competitions. I get that. But social media will be there to taunt folks into stepping it up a notch. Then we run into some serious issues. And you wonder why your millennial needs therapy.

Here are my ten inappropriate elf on the shelf displays and the reasons why I think they are inappropriate.

You think you're clever now, but one day they will be old enough to watch American Pie and they will never visit you again during the Christmas holidays. The grand kids will be off limits.

You would be better off to have the family elf kill off a giant stuffed spider or some other creepy victim. Never Elmo or any Sesame Street character for that matter. This is absolutely inappropriate. 

You know there is absolutely nothing wrong with this display, except for the fact that the family elf is capturing the scene for his own sick pleasure, further teaching your children that the objectification of young girls is okay. So inappropriate!

After the last three displays I shared, do you see how this is inappropriate?  

The family elf teams up with the infamous bad boy, Chucky. Together, they encourage children to commit cannibalism. Yes, Frosty the snowman came alive you ignoramus!

And you wonder why your kids seem to think everything belongs in the toilet. This, exactly this. Congratulations.

Suddenly little Johnny has stopped brushing his teeth? You don't say! Now he's a teenager and smells like shit all the time. You know they learn poor hygiene somewhere, right? Gee, I wonder where.

I'm all for encouraging kids to earn an allowance so they can buy themselves the things they want. But the family elf is sitting on a jar of baby food, so I think the kids are a little young for parents to start indoctrinating them into this sordid thing. They need to be old enough to actually work for their allowance, don't you think?

How to be Classy 101. Because a wine glass is commonly displayed with a roll of toilet paper and a can of Glade air freshener. The kid who grows up in this household is going to be a true romantic, I can almost guarantee it. 

Because breaking the law is so inappropriate. I don't know that this household has any children in it, but I'm guessing they didn't just go out and purchase a Barbie doll because this was just such a cool idea they had to spend upwards of $30.00 for that perfect display. No, they have children. And yes, this is inappropriate.

If you don't want to traumatize your kids, now or in the future, stay away from inappropriate displays with your family elf! Yes, kids are resilient. But they have memories like you wouldn't believe.

Do any of you have a favorite elf on the shelf display? Please share them in the comments below. I won't get onto you if it's inappropriate. There are no small children out here in the Blogosphere! 👀



If you enjoyed this article and would like to receive future articles in your inbox --- Subscribe to our free newsletter

More English Bulldog Photos - Macey!!

I couldn't resist!

Power puppy on couch

What happened to all the power?

She knows she's not allowed to touch the decor.

But she does it anyway!

Merry Christmas!  Or, Happy Holidays! Whichever pertains. Just be safe out there.

:)

If you enjoyed this article and would like to receive future articles in your inbox --- Subscribe to our free newsletter

A Michael Kors and Hello Kitty Christmas

This Christmas has been one of those firsts, so it's not like I can NOT write about it. It's been my first Christmas without Tim. So without hesitating, I'll share with you my very different spin for this year. It's an odd one. Cameron and Kristina traveled to Roanoke and Chelsey and I stayed here in Tallahassee. The only photos I have to share are from our Christmas Eve together and the title of this post is very reflective of what happened.

No tree this year, but plenty of space in front of the fireplace.

 

 

I was sad about not putting up a tree or decorating the house with lights and lawn ornaments, which was something Tim did every year.  Instead, I had a Christmas wreath for my front door, thanks to Charles.

More about Charles another day! Don't ask. ;)

I purchased the normal cookie decorating paraphernalia. Looks the same, right?

The eyeballs are an added decor item.

Okay, so seems that Michael Kors was on both our minds this year. What, what?!

 

 

 

 

Chelsey's Michael Kors bracelet.

My Michael Kors watch.

Two things that didn't pan out this year were the gingerbread houses we've been decorating each year. Apparently, I shouldn't wait until the last minute when shopping for gingerbread houses. This seems to have become a trend for 2015. They were all sold out!

Left on the shelves, Hello Kitty Sugar cookie houses.

We were up for the challenge. Plus, I prefer Sugar cookies.

Nailed it!!

Chelsey perfected this cake! We skipped the cookies this year.

Beautiful! The cake, too. LOL

Close up of the cake, in case you couldn't see the snow.

Chelsey and I met Tenay at Geo's Pool and Pub.

A friendship so easy to explain with one picture!! lol

One photo we always have to take is a photo of the puppies in front of the fireplace and mantel. They're not puppies anymore, but they are to us!

Loving their Chelsey!

Trying to get Maggie to smile for the camera...not working!

A very Merry Christmas to you and yours! See you next year. :)


If you enjoyed this article and would like to receive future articles in your inbox --- Subscribe to our free newsletter

Anyone Else Getting a Break on Labor Day?

I guess I was kind of trying to figure out what I'd be doing on Labor Day this year considering every other year someone seemed to have things for me to do during my time off. Though, it really chaps my ass looking at Maggie hanging out where she's not supposed to be hanging. On my new sectional!

While I work my full-time job, spend countless hours preparing for my future, and manage a forever changing schedule, I get to witness this total disregard for the rules I expect to be followed while they enjoy the comforts of a home I gladly provide.

I'm sorry...you're too comfortable to bother with me?

Happy Labor Day, Blogosphere!

Read more Labor Day mishaps and fun.

Labor Day 2013

Labor Day 2014




If you enjoyed this article and would like to receive future articles in your inbox --- Subscribe to our free newsletter

Word of the Day - Independence

Today in America, we celebrate Independence Day, which is the day the United States declared her independence from Great Britain on July 4th of 1776. For me, it's a day of reflection on a word of the day that I've chosen. The idea of independence.

Independence
noun
Freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.

I get it that I had a past life, but I also get it that I have a future. The biggest gift my husband gave me was respecting me for knowing the difference between the two. It's why I'm able to move forward and make changes in my life when needed.

What I choose to do moving forward might not be a controlled, influenced, supported, aided, or liked by others kind of choice, but it will be mine, just like he had hoped.

Happy 4th of July folks! :D






If you enjoyed this article and would like to receive future articles in your inbox --- Subscribe to our free newsletter

The Merry Christmas Blogathon

Thank you to Maria Zannini for hosting this fun event for bloggers! We are supposed to serve up photos of our Christmas spread. However, my partial family ate out for Christmas dinner since there were only three of us. Everyone else traveled north, so it wasn't worth the trouble to make a spread, at least not of food.

Not all is lost though. I still took photos of our fun filled day. From presents to stocking surprises and family portraits, here are the Christmas day photos from our home.

The stockings were hung from our
decorated mantel.

Even the dogs and ferrets had stockings!

First Christmas tree with butterflies...
and fake snow. When does THAT ever happen?
Don't judge!

We're doing this from scratch.
I swear.

My group. I know. The gingerbread man
looks creepy as hell.

Chelsey's less creepy group. Psst! The candy cane
stripes were made with food color gel, leaving
 the cookie inedible. She gets it honestly. :)

You distract them; I'll grab the cookies!

Family portrait. Not sure what the dogs
were looking at, maybe the ferrets?

Chelsey with her new Lenovo laptop/tablet.
Now I get to reclaim my Macbook. Woot!

In the voice of Austin Powers, "Do I
look sexy? Yeah, baby!"

They don't like sexy, you turd ball.
They like cuteness. See?

Of course, the ferrets had to check out the wrapped boxes. Look what fun Santa brought them!

Post by Ninja and Shogun.

Thanks for sharing your Christmas fun on this Blogathon. I'll be enjoying all of your photos on the 29th. Can't wait!!

If you enjoyed this article and would like to receive future articles in your inbox --- Subscribe to our free newsletter

The Unreliable Narrator's Uneventful Flight

Most people who know me understand I don't do well flying in airplanes. That's why whenever I'm prescribed Hydrocodone after a dental procedure or any other painful injury, I save those pain killers for days like yesterday, a day that could have been the worst day of my life. That's right, I flew in an airplane...while on dope.

I take a pill just before the security checkpoint where they make you spread your legs and put your hands in the air so all the TSA agents can gawk at you in all their power, glory, and cheesy outfits. After the full body scan is complete, the guard waves me through without a hitch. I giggle slightly because my daughter is pulled aside for further inspection. Apparently, her Miss Me jeans were too blingy.

I have this well planned out, because it's the third time I've traveled in this state of mind. I take a pill about 30 minutes before take off and I'm good to go, usually laying over either in Charlotte or Atlanta. The hour or two delay in either city's airport is not a problem as they have establishments serving up draft beer, which puts a loopy spin on the pain killer.

The second flight boards at 8:15 p.m. and I'm feeling relaxed. Matter of fact, flying is a breeze. Why anyone would have a problem with flying is beyond me. I check out all the nervous passengers and give each a wide smile. Some I wink at, "I got this. Piece of cake." They stare back at me, worry on their faces. I reassure them, everything is going to be fine.

Flight takes off. All is good. My daughter has the seat behind me. The flight will be fifty two minutes according to the flight attendant speaking over the intercom. There must be fifteen babies on this flight, all crying in unison. The more babies on the flight, the less likely the plane will go down. Why? Because God loves babies.

The intercom system activates again and we are promised  refreshments shortly.

Perfect. I order a Miller Lite. The attendant is super nice. Positive vibes rub off.

The lady next to me orders apple juice for her 10 year old son and a Diet Coke for herself. Her son spills both, but I'm cool as a cucumber and drink my beer.

I feel a couple bumps and drops and people around me look at each other and all around. But I'm good. I smile and nod at a few. They turn away, holding the arms of their chairs a little too tightly. The babies even stop crying and it is as if everyone is holding their breaths. Not me. I'm cool as a cucumber.

Then my daughter touches my shoulder from behind, "Mom, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

A few hours later, the alcohol leaves my system and we're in our hotel room. My daughter is bewildered and appears animated while talking about our flight. Apparently, the plane had an unusual amount of turbulence and people on the plane were freaking out. I would have been one of those people had I not saved up my pain killers like a squirrel creating their stash of acorns for the winter.

What on earth does this have to do with making progress? A year ago, we would have wasted 12 hours driving to our destination. I've learned to be more efficient with my time. Though I do not condone the use of prescription medication for purposes which they are not prescribed, on occasion, I put the finger to such policies for the sake of my own comfort. To me, that's progress!

P.S. This is a fictitious character telling the details of our flight to Roanoke. I refuse to incriminate myself. It's fiction with a little bit of truth. Call it the unreliable narrator. ;)



If you enjoyed this article and would like to receive future articles in your inbox --- Subscribe to our free newsletter