J is For JESUS Help Me, I Have a Toothache!

Honestly, I'd rather be giving birth right now. This is why I save the pain medications prescribed after major surgery such as tummy tucks or painful procedures like breast biopsies. You never know when you'll really need them for something like a cracked molar.

I'd welcome a bone-crushing blow to the jaw, because that would drown out the last bit of niggling pain which pierces the ends of each swollen root of my bottom, right molar. There's always that constant annoyance which remains no matter how many milligrams of Hydrocodone you ingest.

I feel like there's a cancer growing in my gland, or maybe just some gremlin waiting at the end of the infected nodule with a pair of fingernail clippers, and every three seconds it snips a piece of infected meat off the pulsating nerve. My poor tooth screams out for some relief and the generic Oxycodone yells back, "Shut it! I'm doing the best I can."

Meanwhile, I watch the clock because if I don't take another pill exactly thirty minutes before my next scheduled dosage, I will be crying like a baby, curled in the fetal position, while attempting the shallow breathing technique I learned in yoga class, all this while waiting for my medication to kick in.

I will finally get some relief tomorrow morning when I undergo the much welcomed root canal. It can't happen soon enough and it will definitely be making progress.