Character of the Day
She looked like a large, black locomotive and she was
heading right toward me, huffing and puffing heaps of warm air from her open
mouth. Her large pink lips, held open by a mouthful of oversized teeth, bounced
in unison with her voluminous breasts which also slung from side to side as she
waddled down the aisle.
The holiday season called on folks near and far and we
struggled with last minute Christmas shopping. The small aisle in the calendar
store pitted me against the oncoming traffic, the huge black train. I moved
sideways to avoid her, pressing my back against a wall shelved with calendars
featuring bulldogs, kittens, and horses.
My shoulder bag did not quite make it out of harm’s way. The
woman's fat arm brushed the purse in mid-air, sending it twirling into the
shelf wall with a thud.
The noise immediately drew the attention of my daughter, now
with a look of surprise on her face at my body pressed to the wall and this
blob of a woman walking away.
"Scuse me," the woman said, waving a hand in the
air as if she were shooing away a bothersome housefly. Without a glance toward
me, she continued her shuffle down the aisle.
My daughter tells a different story today and it always starts out, "Oh my gosh! Did I tell you about the time this lady kicked my mom's ass and pushed her into a wall?"
My daughter tells a different story today and it always starts out, "Oh my gosh! Did I tell you about the time this lady kicked my mom's ass and pushed her into a wall?"
Sorry for laughing, but the bottom comment about your daughter cracked me up. I'm dying to hear her full account.
ReplyDeleteGlad you're okay!
I don't mind Kelly! My daughter exaggerates with sound effects, visuals and all! She somehow has this dramatic flare about her. :) I wonder where she gets it from?
DeleteI hate shopping when it's crowded. I really do.
ReplyDeleteHey! I would like to give you two blog awards for being fabulous and blogging about reading and writing. If you would like them, come on over to claim them!~
So, I just saw the post titled "I Tried to Cut of My Cousin's Penis" I think I'm taking a detour to see what THAT'S about!
Thank you Lara! :)
DeleteYeah, that's a catchy title that draws an audience. lol
I'm also sorry for laughing but that last line really got me! Leave it to you to have a comedic spin for every occasion (and I mean that in the best way!)
ReplyDeleteI was mowed down once while shopping for some holiday or another...I think it was thanksgiving as it involved food. Some lady rammed into me with her shopping cart...needless to say I wasn't pleased. I played the good person, though! While I wanted to chew her out I instead accepted her apology and kindly limped away, ha ha :)
Limped away?! Oh my goodness!
DeletePeople are so rude. But, you're right. I try to find the funny in most things. Glad you got a chuckle. :)
Oh, so glad I avoid crowded places, though I have had some interesting experiences on public transport.
ReplyDeleteYou describe this situation well and bring in some interesting metaphors.
Thank you! I can't complain much. These rude types give me inspiration to write about them. If you're going to be rude and obnoxious, I'll just write about you to get it off my chest. At least I can entertain a few of my friends at the same time. :)
DeleteHow did I miss this one? You are hilarious. Especially the breast description.
ReplyDeleteI slipped this one in just before the 4th of July holiday because I didn't have anything to write about and my daughter reminded me about this time I got my ass beat.
DeleteI get my inspiration from out of nowhere sometimes. :D
Diane, I do admire the way you keep your website filled with interesting, entertaining tidbits, interspersed, of course, with more serious posts. (smile) I can't seem to get my head around keeping up my blog.
ReplyDeleteI see the thumbnail photo cuts my head off, but grand-nephew Ryan is cute.
Thank you! I think it helps that my theme of "making progress" allows me to define my wider margins. :)
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