09 September 2013

I'll Have a Vanilla Latte, Thanks

I had a discussion about coffee yesterday and it reminded me of my writer friends out here in the blog-o-sphere. Why? Because I think we all drink coffee, or some variation of the caffeinated concoction. When I think of coffee, I think of Barnes & Noble, then I think of books, then I think of you, the writer.

My husband started the discussion by asking, "How do you drink that stuff? It's so bitter!"

It's an acquired taste, honey. Kind of like beer.

The Teetotalers

Coffee isn't alcohol, but you'd think you were consuming abusive amounts of the Joe around these folks, even if only consuming one cup per day. They don't understand the kick we get from our daily dose of java. The way I see it is, if I don't criticize you for smoking your cancer sticks, please save the lecture on how coffee contains no nutritional value whatsoever.

The Bottom Feeders

These are those folks who drain the very last drops from the pot you made first thing in the morning, you know, because you're such a nice person, thinking of all those others who would benefit from the fresh pot you so kindly started. Unlike you, these bottom feeders place the empty pot right back on the burner. Lazy bastards!

The Pot Watchers

My old boss used to say to me, "A watched pot never boils."

My answer? "Yeah, but when the pot has finished brewing, I'll get mine first!" Seriously, we have a tendency to become impatient while waiting for the brewing process to finish. Move pot away from dripping java; hold cup in place to capture brewing liquid until cup is full; replace pot. You've seen this, right? I know two people in my department who do this. I'm one of them!

The Frap Boys

Annoyance Majoris, they hang out at Starbucks attempting to out-caffeinate one another. Don't bother to search the word at dictionary.com; I made it up. Imagine a twenty year old dude slamming down a triple power latte and crushing the cardboard cup against his forehead, "Grrraaaaahhhoooooooooah, get me another, NOW!"

I shouldn't poke fun. My daughter loves McDonald's Caramel Frappé. That's just as bad.

The Instant Gratifiers

For those of us who have given up on socializing others into the world of java etiquette, there's always instant coffee. Whether you choose to dip baggies in hot water, or scoop crystals from a plastic jar, you will bypass the madness and enjoy your beverage in the sanctuary of your office. Total word count today? Five hundred and forty three.

Which type of consumer are you? Or, as the Brits would say, "Would you prefer a cup of tea?"

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