5 Dos & Don'ts in a Long Term Marriage

I've been thinking about my husband a lot these days. I'm really proud of the fact that we've been married over 24 years now. Which led me to feeling like I need to share the secret of my success. So, here are my 5 dos and don'ts in a long term marriage for you to consider. They may lead to your own successful, long-term marriage.

1. Don't get offended if the only words you ever hear from him are "So, you wanna DO it tonight?" He's been married to you for 25 years already; he shouldn't have to work on his charm anymore.

2. Do drop everything that you are doing, no matter how important, when he suddenly asks for your help in fixing something he broke or finding something he lost.

3. Don't nag him about your time when he stops to compare prices in the grocery store. I don't care that you make six figures per year. You should thank him for the penny savings that he made because he carefully read the labels and performed the math.

4. Do promptly make the decision as to which restaurant you choose for your dining pleasure when asked. He will override this decision later on, so make sure your heart isn't set on what you originally decide.

5. Don't forget to praise him for helping out around the house. It's not enough that you fix the bed every morning, clean the dishes noon and night, vacuum, dust, work a full-time job, breed and raise confident, well-adjusted children and with a heavy heart, turn them loose to be productive members of society. After all, what's it gonna hurt for you to take a few seconds of your time to show some appreciation?

Character Descriptions and Race

In my last creative writing class, I submitted a short story for review. The story I submitted never provides physical descriptions of my characters. Leaving the descriptions out was intentional. It was not important to me what they looked like or their color. What was important was the story. Why is my main character standing here in a funeral parlor in front of his father's casket? What brought him here? The story is what is important.

If a main character is going to turn out to be a white supremacist with major conflict in a story, then I can understand the need to describe him in the stereotypical fashion, shaved head with a swastika tattooed on the back. In this case, the physical description moves the plot along. That’s helpful.

However, that is not the case with the story I submitted. I was a bit surprised when a fellow student asked, "I'm curious why you never described the main character. Was he black or white?"

Wait…what?

It is a short story about the relationship between a father and son. The physical descriptions of the characters are irrelevant. This is not a screening for a movie where I have to choose Samuel L. Jackson or Tom Cruise as my hero. I can care less what color they are.

One response I read from another woman was she assumed every character in Harry Potter was black and she further states it is natural for a reader to assume that so long as no descriptions are given, all characters in a fictional story belong to the reader’s own race.

This concept is foreign to me because I never write with a pre-determined idea that all my characters are Asian. Are you kidding me? All my stories would have to take place at Disney World or some other touristy place and my main characters would all be wielding cameras and donning ebony cloaks.

So what do you think? Is it that important to you as a reader to know the race of the characters you read about, even though clearly there is no logical reasoning behind mentioning it at all?

Racist Characters in Fiction

Everywhere I visit on the internet, looking for interested readers of fiction, I find more and more would be writers asking this odd question, "Is my main character a racist?"

What?!

Or, "Is my secondary main character being sexist in this scene?"

Again, what?!

In fiction, you're not going to write a believable story if you (the author) tip-toe around social problems, trying to keep your characters politically correct. Besides, no character should be without flaws. The world…bad, hero…good. That's just boring.

My heroes are more anti-heroic. Give me someone flawed and give me that opportunity to make their character arc believable. Let me redeem that character in some way, show the reader that this flaw can give more depth to the story and develop my character more than any 6 foot 2 Adonis with the moral code of a Saint.

I don't want to read about perfect characters who love people regardless of color or creed. I want that atheist, gun toting, racist bastard of a character of mine to go on a journey and discover things about him that end up changing his life for the better.

I don't want the God loving, Kumbaya singing, save the world from its own demise characters making me draft a story around them and their perfect little selves. Does this make sense? Why am I finding so many writers mulling over this? Are these things paralyzing today's young writers? I hope to hell it isn't.

We build characters that kill and maim. We build characters that cheat on their spouses, rape their neighbors, commit blasphemy, but oh wait...my character is a racist. Really? Oh my goodness, she made that white soldier character call that Vietnamese girl character a gook. May as well put down that pen now and end your writing career before it even got started.

Do you think this is a normal reaction from readers of fiction? If so, you shouldn't be writing fiction, because your work is probably not going to feed the family, you know? I'm not saying all your characters must be flawed, racist, bigoted assholes. But entertainment is entertainment and you should stop worrying about possibly offending someone.

Truth hurts, yes, but it has to be present in fiction or you'll never make your stories believable.

And, everyone lived happily ever after, right? We all know that's not true.

What are your thoughts? Do you hold back on your character flaws when it comes to racism or sexism? Why or why not?

Contest Winner - Hint Fiction

Not-So Newly-Weds, by Noémi Csiki

Silence, disturbed only by mouse clicks and keyboard taps.
“Did you say something?”
“I … (she doesn’t look up) I don’t remember.”


My daughter picked this as the winner of my Hint Fiction Contest. She said to me, "Mom, this is the story of you and dad."

Oh my goodness! I know I am at the keyboard a lot, but I've not gone senile just yet.

On Vacation

Well, I may be without my internet for the next few days, so I thought I'd post a personal note and hope you leave me some love in a comment! No, really! It would be like coming home to a bunch of cheers yelling, "Hey, we missed you, welcome home, Diane!" :)

We'll be rafting at the Ocoee River this weekend and then Zip-lining 1500 feet down a mountain. Lord, what have I gotten myself into? I'll never know. Maybe it was my 16 year old daughter and her boyfriend, both giving me that look like "Come on...chance of a lifetime, you're not getting any younger." Really?

I'm just hoping I get back to my online life soon, praying that I don't fall to my death and leave my posthumous first novel, unfinished, and in electronic format buried deep within the confines of my PC. Ironic, I feel like I'm writing my last will and testament, bidding farewell!

Be safe all, and have a wonderful weekend. We will announce the winner of the Hint Fiction Contest when I return from vacation!