29 November 2015

Making Progress by Letting Go

Sorry to have been MIA lately. I've been dealing with so much at work, at school, and at home. I still don't know why I've not been here on my blog with you guys, despite my situation. This is the place I come when I need to get things off my chest, these days more like expunged from my heart.

I've been contemplating clearing out some items from my home to quell my OCD. There are things that are taking up room and I don't know how to remove them, or even if it's okay to remove them. Every book I pick up that Tim read and every piece of clothing I consider placing into the discard pile makes my throat constrict and I give up.

How do I get rid of books that he read, knowing that I could read those same books one day and by reading the same words he'd once read, I might feel connected to him once again? It starts this panic attack and I don't know what to do, so I put them back on the shelf or in a different pile labeled keep.

Other than books?

What if I delete the last voicemail he left on my phone without listening to it one more time?

Is it okay to delete 3 years worth of text messages, including the very last words he wrote?

Everything seems to have a memory, and to get rid of anything feels like a loss all over again. Even though I know it needs to be done, is there ever a right time?

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