09 November 2011

Cleanup On Aisle Four!

by Diane Carlisle


Why do grocery stores display feminine hygiene products in the same aisle as medications, healing aids and incontinence products? This leaves a really unfair connotation of dysfunction, don't you think? I mean, why not pair off the incontinence products with toilet paper? Don't they both absorb urine to some extent?

Better yet, place both feminine hygiene and incontinence products with ALL paper products used for the absorption of any liquids. I think that would be fair. Hell, why not welcome Pampers and Huggies into the same aisle! Get them away from the baby food. Would you want to buy your food in the same aisle as toilet paper? When things make sense in general, no one appears to be the lesser human being based on age or gender.

I’d like to see the grocery stores embrace my God given cycle and place my respectable sister products where they belong. There’s no reason for them to remain on the same shelves as Band-Aids and Neosporin, all at the disposal to those in need of products which assist in the healing of wounds. Please, my period is not a wound!

That would leave medications all to themselves though, wouldn't it? Why not pair these medications with wine and beer? That way, when we're out buying cases of Miller Lite or bottles of Merlot, the packets of Alka Seltzer and BC Powders will greet us and remind us to prepare for the screaming hangover from which we'll suffer in the morning.

One more thing. Why keep the flowers so close to the selection of fine wines? They don't go together anymore. The days of magnanimity are over. Alcohol is a daily consumption; flowers are purchased on special occasions. Put them near the bakery where people order cakes inscribed with "Happy Birthday!" and "We'll Miss You!"

Who's with me? We'll straighten this out eventually. We'll just have to take a back seat to the Occupy Wall Street folks who seem to have the spotlight right now.

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