Building Relationships Through Communication

I hate that I've been away from my Blog friends out here, but I've been on vacation. It was a sweet vacation I spent with family, new friends, and other important people in my life, so eventually I knew I'd neglect this aspect of my world. But alas, I have some things to share: chat pics!

I decided that since my school work in communications has taken up so much of my time from 2014 to 2015, I'd compare and contrast a previous year of communication as evidenced by chats between me and my daughter, Chelsey.

No worries, I will soon share others from my son and late husband, Tim. However, their chats were not nearly as entertaining and revealing. :)

In a previous year, Chelsey wanted to piggy back off our minority status as Asians and so I put her in check. Then she put me in check.

She complained that I was too strict as a parent just before her 18th birthday when she wanted to get a tattoo and I wouldn't let her. We calmly worked it out.

She left her clothes lying around my house so that when I attempted to get dressed in the mornings, I would experience unnecessary trauma to my delicate and over-sensitive ego. Then she made me realize how ridiculous I was being.

She came through on just about every promise she ever made. Then, in her own way, she reminded me that she still has the upper hand in proving that I'm an over-protective, over-meddling, but very much loved mom. :D

She still makes me proud by letting me know we're still on the same page, even though I diluted that gene pool quite a bit. I'm kidding!!! It's a racist Asian joke.

If you haven't looked back to see how far you've come with your communication style, it's time to take note. There's always room for improvement. If you know me, you know I'm all about the progress!

Do you save your favorite text messages? Maybe you should start.



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Learning Natural Dialogue From Your Text Messages

My daughter and I had this conversation while text messaging last evening and it got me thinking about my characters and how I distinguish them from one another. If taken out of context, one could easily claim I am a bad mother for insinuating my daughter is a pig or a whale. Hello, Alec Baldwin.

However, this conversation takes place between two very confident women who are definitely comfortable in their own skin.

Knowing my daughter as well as I do, I can allow my own personality to surface while having this conversation. My daughter's personality is also very much present in the text dialogue, at least to me. The dancing lady and the bikini are on her mind these days because an upcoming pool party lurks around the corner and she is preparing to step out in her amazing new bathing suit!

If you're having problems distinguishing one character from another, or a critique partner has mentioned your characters are blurring together, my suggestion would be to spend some time texting with friends and family members and pay particular attention to each personality, including your own. Save your text messages and read back through them the next day.

To me, I think if you want to get down to natural dialogue, you should study your text messages. It is hard to recall conversations from memory, so texting is probably the best way to show the contrast between two personalities without all the fluff of trying to develop your characters, which can sometimes come across as a bit trite with dialogue.

I'll share another conversation between me and my daughter. We love to communicate via emoticons. You can't tell? Her favorite television show when she was nine years old was Pokemon, and we had learned the Team Rocket chant together.

When Tim was on his way home from Chicago, he had a layover in Charlotte, NC where he observed two very different types of people. These are actual conversations people have. Sure, it seems a bit racy, but it's natural dialogue, and that's why when readers see it in fiction, it resonates with that semblance of truth we're always discussing.

I drink Redbull! 

Young people knit, too! (but not many)

Yes, behaviors speak for themselves. Even my daughter understands Asians prefer rice over potatoes and we have higher I.Q.s than the average Neanderthal. It's not wrong to include this sort of dialogue in your fiction. It's truth. Sort of.

Not dialogue, but a form of communication. This is a picture of the form Tim filled out at Shands Hospital in Gainesville, FL. They have to expect this sort of thing from people. The form screams, "Please do it, please!"

 when you see it.

They should put "memory loss" as the first option so you don't have to waste your time filling out the rest if you don't want to.

Okay, back to conversations and dialogue. Texting doesn't always produce natural dialogue between son and mother. My son Cameron likes to abbreviate, and Lord knows you can't get away with that in your novel. You also don't have auto-correct issues, and hopefully you proof your writing before sending on to your editor?

In this next snap shot, pay particular attention to the dates and times. Notice I respond immediately to each inquiry and/or comment, so the last communication is a bit ironic.

That was texting between two people who have been married for 26 years. Go figure.

This is typical mother daughter discussion in my family. We own our stereotypes, good and bad, and we can laugh about them. It is natural.

Do your characters discuss fashion at all? I can tell you, a nineteen year old has different taste than someone two and half decades older. Natural dialogue should reflect those age differences.

My daughter and I had breakfast at Village Inn one day for lunch and when I woke up in the morning to go to work, this was the exchange we had.

I helped my son update his resume for a tech job. Can you tell which personality trait of his is demonstrated in this ongoing dialogue? 

Chelsey worked a late shift on a weekend, but she didn't get a chance to come over and pay her rent. Her personality sure does resonate in this exchange.

Chelsey had a minor fender bender and lost her side passenger mirror,  so we had to coordinate our busy schedules to get it fixed.

Saving text messages is just something I like to do. It seems to have replaced the urge to pick up a camera in order to capture moments in time. Instead of pictures, I capture dialogue. It has worked out as a great tool when fleshing out my favorite characters.

What tools do you use to ensure your characters stand out as individuals or keep them from bleeding into each other?

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A Bittersweet Mother's Day

I'm not saying Happy Mother's Day this year for many reasons, so I hope my friends and family will understand. I have so much Mother's Day happiness with all things going well in my life. I wish to share these things with you, but I also want to go a little deeper into this day, because it's not always a positive thing, but it is always a special day for many reasons. 

I want to share the diversity of what has become my Mother's Day this year, a very special day, I promise you!

My youngest stepson, Chris, and his wife, Kasey, had their daughter last year. Bailee experienced her first Mother's Day. From our Panama City Beach vacation! Her 2nd Mother's Day. Haha!!

My older stepson, Timmy, and his wife, Kelly, had their son this year. Levi experienced his first Mother's Day. I think I have permission to post this photo, originally published on Facebook. I will ask forgiveness if not, and remove it if chastised. Isn't it easier to ask for forgiveness rather than permission?

I welcomed a new daughter into my life this Mother's Day weekend, a perfect companion for my son, Cameron. Who knows what's best for their baby better than anyone? A mother! I'm so happy that my son met someone so caring and patient. Photos coming soon, I promise!

Kristina's mother, Stephanie Senter, did an amazing job on the decorations for the wedding, and her floral arrangements were spectacular. Another amazing mother, stepping in to support her daughter on a special day. More photos to come! 

My own daughter, Chelsey, amazes me year after year, as she grows into a beautiful and independent woman. She's determined to succeed as being her own person. A mother's pride I will not hide. She moves into her own apartment the 1st of July. I expect her to come home often to watch the occasional chick flick!

I also dedicate this post to my own mother, who passed away in September of 2006. I know she would have loved to experience these things with me. More important, I have an author friend whom I follow on a regular basis at High Heels and Hot Flashes (imagine that, I'm menopausal). Debra's daughter's last Mother's Day is today because her daughter has a week left in a fight against AIDS. Because I cannot imagine the pain and struggle of losing a child, I will take this day and pray for my friend, a fellow writer.

Please remember all those mothers who are struggling in the world today and pay tribute to them as well. It's not a Happy Mother's Day for all. Though we are grateful and proud, we are also humble, and we pray for our fellow moms out there who may be suffering for any number of reasons.

Bless you moms out there! I love you all.