tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post601777348362031039..comments2024-03-23T04:19:04.366-04:00Comments on Are we there yet?: Emotional Setting In Your StoryAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15901684621715980573noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post-19211394352492352302013-02-18T11:00:04.452-05:002013-02-18T11:00:04.452-05:00Yes, Kelly is my protagonist! :D
Glad you like it...Yes, Kelly is my protagonist! :D<br /><br />Glad you like it.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15901684621715980573noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post-21481986512061865192013-02-18T10:46:01.611-05:002013-02-18T10:46:01.611-05:00A character named Kelly? Love it! ;) I really like...A character named Kelly? Love it! ;) I really like the technique you used here too, Diane. Thanks for sharing how you did it and the end product.Kelly Hashwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13936313159809041986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post-73968144207232237442013-02-17T09:42:14.238-05:002013-02-17T09:42:14.238-05:00Thank you, Judi! That word "dancing" wil...Thank you, Judi! That word "dancing" will definitely come out. I even mention a similar peeve in my <a href="http://matrix-hole.blogspot.com/2011/12/my-top-10-pet-peeves-of-romance-novel.html" rel="nofollow">10 Pet Peeves of the Romance Novel</a>. The very first peeve is when "his eyes danced across her bosom". lol<br /><br />Thanks for the feedback!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15901684621715980573noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post-66357226959934588412013-02-16T22:19:05.132-05:002013-02-16T22:19:05.132-05:00Love it. Your setting up of the contrast between w...Love it. Your setting up of the contrast between what she's seeing and what she has to do is terrific. The scene comes across with so much vividness that I can feel her feeling - and cringe for her. <br /><br />I have just one problem. Third sentence - I get a picture of the coffee itself dancing around the room, and it stops me. I could accept the aroma dancing, but not the coffee, caramel, etc. Just call me picayunish Judihttp://www.writersblg.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post-31038755120753050912013-02-16T15:18:27.237-05:002013-02-16T15:18:27.237-05:00Thank you, Charity! I"m a coffee person mysel...Thank you, Charity! I"m a coffee person myself, can drink up to 5 cups during a work day. And then, there's the occasional sugar-free Red Bull. :)<br /><br />I'm glad you picked out the word scrutiny, too. I thought it might have been too deliberate that I used it, but if it works, I'm happy!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15901684621715980573noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post-13190473322838838902013-02-16T14:40:16.330-05:002013-02-16T14:40:16.330-05:00Being a coffee addict, I must first say the beginn...Being a coffee addict, I must first say the beginning of the scene had my mouth watering. Coffee...mmmm. Anyway, this is a great sample. The mingling of the children's innocence and the task awaiting Kelly evokes a strong sense of despondency for me as a reader. It's like at the moment Kelly is surrounded by life bursting with energy, yet she knows how quickly that life can end. She is understandably reluctant to perform an autopsy on a child who should be as living as energetically as the children in front of her. <br /><br />I'd also like to add I like the use of the word scrutiny. It's invasive, and it makes me consider the evil that's been done to the child lying on the cold table. It's wrong. It's so wrong. It's a child who should be outside playing in the sunlight.<br /><br />Good job! :)~Charity~https://www.blogger.com/profile/17229211189193643618noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post-5798986106081759742013-02-16T12:26:03.583-05:002013-02-16T12:26:03.583-05:00Thanks Lauren! I keep telling people I'm putti...Thanks Lauren! I keep telling people I'm putting way too much thought into what I write and I think that's why I can't ever finish anything! lol<br /><br />I appreciate your feedback, too. :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15901684621715980573noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post-57646989623098199152013-02-16T12:22:19.440-05:002013-02-16T12:22:19.440-05:00The WIP sounds terrific. Love how much thought you...The WIP sounds terrific. Love how much thought you're putting into the juxtapositions. I can already feel them in your sample.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post-31497955962861999132013-02-16T12:09:16.911-05:002013-02-16T12:09:16.911-05:00Thank you, Cynthia. I like your suggestions!
I pr...Thank you, Cynthia. I like your suggestions!<br /><br />I probably need to make it more clear that the biker dude is the father or boyfriend. You're right, he appears to be a stranger in this case. Maybe Kelly's internal thought could be that she wonders if he's the kids real father or some live in boyfriend.<br /><br />I appreciate the feedback!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15901684621715980573noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post-10389458273258160832013-02-16T12:00:57.692-05:002013-02-16T12:00:57.692-05:00Kudos to you, Diane, for posting a first-draft sce...Kudos to you, Diane, for posting a first-draft scene. The characterization is excellent and I can see myself (as the reader) sitting nearby, watching and listening to the others. <br /><br />I have two minor suggestions.<br /><br />The sentence: Two small children chased each other around a table. This is told rather than shown. Perhaps Kelly could step aside to avoid colliding into them, which would bring it back into her viewpoint. <br /><br />I love when the biker dude says: "Do like your mama said!" But I would like to see some emotion on the kids faces when they sit down. Are they afraid or shocked that a stranger has scolded them.<br /><br />Your dialogue is natural and the beats (action after dialogue) add interest. Well done! Cynthia Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17601525646946576875noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post-85873581892175518332013-02-16T08:14:08.381-05:002013-02-16T08:14:08.381-05:00Thank you, BL! :)Thank you, BL! :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15901684621715980573noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post-87500217411548727172013-02-16T08:13:16.737-05:002013-02-16T08:13:16.737-05:00Thank you, Lara! Yes, I'm getting a ton of spa...Thank you, Lara! Yes, I'm getting a ton of spam lately. I go into my comments section and categorize Anonymous postings as spam because it's easier than deleting them and having to confirm. <br /><br />I'm thinking about not allowing anonymous comments anymore, but the last time I did that, it screwed up my numbers (I can't help it, but I'm a numbers person). It's my OCD. :DAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15901684621715980573noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post-26493521886420964892013-02-16T07:33:03.611-05:002013-02-16T07:33:03.611-05:00I really liked this! It's simple but effective...I really liked this! It's simple but effective. Good job.Ida https://www.blogger.com/profile/11147292645496131773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post-63367092561701334552013-02-15T23:28:06.463-05:002013-02-15T23:28:06.463-05:00Have you been getting a ton of spam, too? It's...Have you been getting a ton of spam, too? It's totally destroyed my blog stats. Somewhat freeing, since now I have no idea how many true views I've gotten! Anyway, I thought you did a nice job with the beginnings of the scene. Using her point-of-view thoughts about the children allows us to see her feelings, but she can keep her tough-girl exterior. And, to me, that makes her more vulnerable. I kind of want to protect her from the evil she knows about, that the kids don't yet. It was effective for me!Lara Schiffbauerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13546286607078965432noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post-76106319726302603302013-02-15T16:41:58.869-05:002013-02-15T16:41:58.869-05:00I feel like I should have had him wearing ass chap...I feel like I should have had him wearing ass chaps. lolAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15901684621715980573noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post-4279693770174978472013-02-15T16:41:25.075-05:002013-02-15T16:41:25.075-05:00I guess I feel a need to do it because a lot of pe...I guess I feel a need to do it because a lot of people just believe that the law has no feelings whatever. I just like it when I can tell it from the other side. <br /><br />Thanks!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15901684621715980573noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post-61188181045706204482013-02-15T16:12:33.979-05:002013-02-15T16:12:33.979-05:00Ooh someone slap that biker guy! How dare he inter...Ooh someone slap that biker guy! How dare he intervene! Very nice Diane. Intangible Heartshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05047040538015079182noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4351235520870325177.post-90610414216838863452013-02-15T16:10:32.949-05:002013-02-15T16:10:32.949-05:00It's spare, but that's what makes it work ...It's spare, but that's what makes it work well. You say a lot in just a few lines, and the mindset of Kelly comes across. I think it's the taking a deep breath before going in, for her, and for the reader.<br /><br />I had a police officer in my MS who had to give bad news to a father in the first chapter, and comes back in the present day. From his point of view, he was thinking of his children while giving that news. <br /><br />They might not show it, but they certainly feel it.William Kendallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00331324250821836822noreply@blogger.com